I am the first one to say I don’t know how to relax. I am always “doing” something. Shamefully, I admit, I sometimes tackle not just two, but three or four projects at a time. Like at the same time. Not the best strategy always, but I usually have a lot of pots on the stove, so to speak. Yesterday was no exception.
It was around 2:15pm. Smack in the middle of O’s nap time. I was finishing up a project I was working on for Christmas and starting to make a new Chicken Bratwurst recipe with a warm kartoffelsalat for the side. The contractor who is renovating our bathrooms shows up to do a faucet install. I figured O would most likely sleep through any noise, as he should have been deeply down by this point in time. Boy, was I wrong. One creek up the staircase and O was UP with all capitals and a very loud whine. Our very observant contractor points out, “Hey, the baby’s crying.” Really? Huh….Gee, I didn’t hear the ear piercing cry….thanks for letting me know. I didn’t say that….what I said was, “yeah.”
I went into O’s room. He had only slept for an hour. There was no way he was ready to actually get up. I kept the light off and picked him up out of his crib and went to the rocker. The whole weight of his body draped over my shoulder. I sat down and started to gently rock and sing to him. What happened next was such a great gift and it truly brought joyful tears to my eyes. O fell asleep in my arms. Now you might think, big deal. But my O hasn’t slept in my arms for any real length of time since he was an infant. This was 40 minutes of absolute angelic bliss. A couple times he stirred only to look up at me with the purest love in his eyes only to then fall back asleep. It was heaven on earth.
I wish that 40 minutes could have gone on and on. I would have left every project and pot to boil over. Nothing mattered to me in that moment, but THAT moment. What a lesson in simply being there. It is a lesson I needed refreshing in, especially lately. I let myself become crazed with tasks again. I feel foolish and well, exhausted. Time to take it easy again. Oh my little O is the best teacher!
The only hard thing to swallow about my blissful 40 minutes was that when those times were a regular occurrence, when O was a newborn, I feel like I didn’t enjoy them. At least not the way I would have had I not had the post partum blues. It made me sad to think I missed a lot of that time. I just couldn’t get my head on straight then. I won’t beat myself up about it anymore. It is what it is. And I thank God I got through it. But I can’t pretend I didn’t miss some really special moments. I guess I should be grateful that I got to fully savor something so wonderful now. And I am……so grateful.
Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up. Thanks for reading! Xo