A friend of mine sent me a little blurb on Messenger this week. He was in Mykonos and was fondly remembering the fantastic times we had there. Lots of great food, great wine and lovely views. Mykonos is a truly beautiful island. It is everything you imagine Greece should be….and then some. I spent a lot of time there. All over the Mediterranean, really. I feel I know it so well. The many cafes I have frequented. The fun company I kept. The delightful repose of a lazy afternoon with the sun on my face and wine on my tongue. Is it possible it could seem like yesterday and yet be so far away?
My life is not filled with days in Mykonos anymore. Or touring ancient ruins or magnificent art galleries. My frequent flier miles are actually in jeopardy of becoming inactive. As I sat today in the Starbuck’s Cafe inside my local Target, I thought of my former life. My son was sitting across from me eating the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I brought with us. I was enjoying my usual dark roast with a splash of vanilla in it. There were big windows looking out to the vast parking lot filled with suburban vehicles and lots of Moms with children in tow. I quietly giggled to myself. So THIS is my view now….THIS is my frequent cafe? Well, yes…..I suppose it is.
Another friend of mine who was also in the business is now a Mom of four beautiful children. She posted something on Facebook about how so many of her friends were going to exciting Broadway openings and how her life seemed so boring in comparison. Now I can’t imagine life with four children is boring, by any stretch of the imagination. It is not quite as glamorous as life on the stage, I’ll give her that. But I have a hunch she wasn’t truly complaining. She is a rockstar Mom and lives quite the charmed life. She is gaga for her kids and rightfully so. She enjoys them. It is evident. I think she was doing that thing that moms often do. We whine. We complain. But it’s mostly crocodile tears. We don’t REALLY want Calgon to take us away. Not for any real length of time. We have hit the jackpot and if we are smart, we learn to appreciate that fact quite quickly.
As I sat on my uncomfortable aluminum chair in my very basic Starbucks/Target cafe, I began to wonder… Did I miss my old life? Did I long for more glamorous times? More carefree times? I sipped my basic coffee and let the questions seep in. The answer is no. Unequivocally, no. Then I thought…If I had to give up the life I have now and go back to the life I had before….Would I miss this? Would I long for the joy my family brings me? Would I miss the meaningful simplicity of an ordinary day? There is no question. Of course I would! My heart hurts just thinking about it.
I realize not everyone has been quite as lucky, as perhaps I have been. I got to to see and experience the world and I enjoyed a very glamorous career. Had I just kept going, I am sure I would have told you how happy and fulfilled I was. Because I was. I didn’t miss what I didn’t know. But now, after sharing my life with my love and having our child, I feel like life has a new meaning and purpose. That’s the jackpot I mentioned before. And trust me, I don’t take any of it for granted. To find this kind of happiness at this point in my life is the freaking Holy Grail! It’s Mount Everest!
I will never forget my old life. The breathtaking views from atop Santorini and along the Grand Canal in Venice are ingrained in my mind. The glamourous costumes I donned were a privilege to wear. The thrill of performing for thousands of people is in my veins. My experiences are forever a part of me. I am grateful for all of it. I fondly reminisce, but I don’t miss it. What I would miss is the sweet smell of my little boy’s hair…The sound of his laugh as I tickle him…and the soft kiss from the man who sees me as his one and only. I’ll be sure to pour a glass of wine, sit out on our deck, watch the sunset and drink to that! Yassas my friends!
Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thanks for reading. Always. Xo