A New Day

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I have been grappling this week with what to write about.  It is a familiar struggle, but sometimes it proves tougher than other times.  I’m usually blocked because I have something on my mind that I feel perhaps I shouldn’t write about.  Or maybe I don’t think anyone else would find it interesting.  But censoring myself has never been a productive strategy.  So here goes.

I have been very affected by the politics in our country lately.  It feels as if the country is divided in a way that I have never seen in my life time.  And it scares me.  The hate filled, fear mongering rhetoric of a certain tiny hand candidate is appalling, divisive, and small minded.  In my opinion, it has no place in the leadership of our country.  The parties hateful sentiments do not represent my feelings.  Not at all.  But rather than write about The Ego with the bad comb-over, who already gets far far too much press, I want to talk about what inspires me.  This past week, something amazing happened that moved me greatly, as a woman, a mother and a citizen of the world.

I know I am pretty sappy and have a tendency to get emotional over a Hallmark commercial, but I have to tell you that I was genuinely moved by the remarkable speech from our country’s First Lady, Michelle Obama at the DNC in Philadelphia.  I know as a liberal it is assumed that I would be a fan of the First Lady, so I will skip the list of admirable traits I believe she embodies.  (There are many).  But what really got me was when she said how her daughters, and all our sons and daughters, could now take for granted that a woman could become President of the United States.  That struck a chord in me.  I realized, quite seriously, that history is being made before our very eyes.

This past weekend I was lucky enough to see Hamilton on Broadway.  Beyond it being an incredible piece of theatre, I couldn’t help be struck by the poetic justice of watching an incredibly talented, racially diverse cast, portray our founding fathers. I suppose this must really ruffle the feathers of the David Dukes of the world.  It’s funny, but the color of any actors skin didn’t really dawn on me until after the show.  It made perfect sense that George Washington should be played by a handsome strapping black man.  I was reminded that for all intents and purposes, we are all really immigrants.   To say you are not is just inaccurate.  I was reminded of the limitations women had to endure regardless of their intellect.  In the words of the character Angelica Schuyler, “We hold these truths to be self evident that all men are created equal, and when I meet Thomas Jefferson, I’m gonna compel him to include women in the sequel. Work!”  The point is, we have come so so far.  Why would we ever go backwards?  It defies logic.  At least to this mommy it does.

This morning I was watching the highlights of the democratic convention.  I watched, and re-watched, a woman of 102 years of age, who was born before women could vote, officially report Arizona delegates for Hillary Rodham Clinton for President of the United States.  It doesn’t matter what you think of Secretary Clinton.  You can love her.  You can hate her.  But the shattering of that glass ceiling is undeniable and has changed us forever.  I suppose if you are against her, you might deny its significance.  But in my opinion, you’d be denying reality.  I will not get into a debate with anyone regarding Hilz.  I won’t change your mind and you won’t change mine.  But this is my blog and #ImWithHer, if you hadn’t noticed.

The future of our society, that will be our children’s and their children’s society, is changing.  My son will not know of a time when a woman could be considered less important or less capable…and that’s huge.  It is so much bigger than Bozo the Clown’s ego.  I have a friend who has a daughter who is O’s age.  She is especially energized about this new day and all it will mean for her daughter.  But I truly think it is something for parents of girls and boys to celebrate.  There is hope this week.  There is a beacon of light shining through.  And as things seem to be going these days, I’m gonna hang onto it.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up.  Thanks for reading. Work!

P.S. I ordered my Hilary For President shirts for Me and O. Watch out world! Photos to follow.

 

Raising A Son To Revere Strong Women

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This week I am barraged with stories in the news that make me reflect on how we as a society view women.  And I am taken aback.  I am perplexed.  Saddened.  Annoyed.  Worried.  You would have to live in a hole not to be aware of the Stanford freshman who was convicted of raping an unconscious woman behind a dumpster and was sentenced to only 6 months in jail followed by probation.  The crime and details of the trial were abhorrent.  Then his father wrote a letter of support to the court that was completely dismissive of his son’s behavior.  He actually says that a prison sentence is “A steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action.”  He is clearly oblivious.  It isn’t overly shocking that his son chose the abusive path he did.  I think, what are we teaching our children about respect? Equality? And where are we going wrong?

I look at the headlines regarding our presumptive democratic nominee for President, Hillary Clinton.  It’s not just a lack of respect, but actual hate that swarms around her, taking shots at her every turn.  The woman has a coat of armor thicker than any man I’ve ever seen.  If she was a man, it is a coat of armor that would be admired and revered.  But she’s a woman. So she’s a she-devil, not to be trusted, a bitch.  It’s the double standard magnified a hundred times. And both men AND women buy into it.  I ask you, What are we teaching our kids?  Are women not allowed to be strong? As a woman, don’t you want to be smart, strong, and an equal? And, if you are a man, don’t you want a partner who is strong, capable, and your equal? And if you don’t, why not? There is something wrong with the message we are accepting in our society about women and their worth. And I’m taking a stab in the dark here, but it seems to me, the message is perpetuated by those threatened by strong women.

Is it possible that many in our society,  men and women alike, are more comfortable with the traditional roles that men and women take on? The woman standing beside her man, supporting him from the sidelines.  It’s a non threatening picture, isn’t it?  Maybe the dominant female figure is just too uncomfortable for folks.  So when a woman puts on a pantsuit, speaks her mind and decides to run for president, it messes up our feng shui.  Or when a woman gets sexually assaulted on a college campus (while unconscious) there is sympathy for the rapist, because “his life will never be the one that he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve.”  In what world is that thought process ok? What about the victim? To be clear, I am talking about the woman.  What about the impact this horrific act has had on her life? There are still people who believe, however quietly, that women who have been raped, have somehow “asked” for it.  During the trial the poor girl was asked what she wore to the party that night.  The fact that the question was even posed is proof we are a long long way from gender equality.  It disgusts me.

So as a mother of a boy, what can I do to instill a sense of decency, respect and understanding in my child? How do we teach him to treat women as equals, yet educate him on the nuances of females? I’m talking about those minute, and sometimes huge, differences that, at times,  make us women seem like another species all together.   Equals, but opposites.  It seems pretty straight forward in theory.  Certainly no mother intends on raising a rapist.  So where does it go wrong?

Even at O’s young age of two, people have said in his presence, “Boys will be boys!”  That sentiment will surely grow and follow him.  It is up to us to define that for him and keep him in balance.  I see the way little boys play on the playground and how they are encouraged to be aggressive and tough.  It’s just sort of accepted.  I don’t love it.  There is a sense of entitlement drilled into children in our country these days.  There seems to be a lack of the word “NO” in many children’s everyday life.  Maybe this is where it begins.  I want it, so I should have it.  I want it, so I’ll take it.  It happens on the playground and I see, many times, it go undetected or completely dismissed.  Boys will be boys.

I don’t know what lies ahead in our country. I shudder to think of the possibilities. But this lack of acceptance and complete disregard for other people is just not ok with me. It shouldn’t be ok with anyone. What can we do? As parents we can invoke the change we want to see in our society…with our own child.  Sometimes parenting requires the word “No.”  We need to love our children enough to say “No, that’s not yours.” Or “No. You can’t do that.” My two year old already knows the phrase “That is unacceptable behavior.”  I fear many adults have forgotten it.

Mostly, we need to love our son and teach him the dignity of the body, and how to live through disappointment and confusion.  We need to teach our son how to navigate confusing feelings, and how to separate feelings from action.  We need to teach him how to communicate and listen. We need to define for him what it is to be a man, because we clearly can’t leave that to the media or public figures.  We need to impress upon him that his worth doesn’t come from what he has and takes. O’s biggest influence will be watching how his father treats his mother.  And how his mother can be a strong woman who is respected and loved by her husband for her strength and capability.  How female strength is not something to be threatened by, or something to be squelched, but rather something to seek in a life partner.

I have a feeling in the coming months leading up to the national election, the attack on the strong female figure will be unlike anything we have ever seen.  The language, I’m sure, will be base, crass and dismissive.  I highly doubt the buffoon with the bad comb over will choose a different fighting style.  I can only imagine what the fallout will be.  If you think that kind of sexism on a national platform has no bearing on the way men view women or how women view themselves, you are kidding yourself.  Somewhere in the ignorant mind of some entitled teenager, the words spewed by an entitled demagogue, will validate his delusions.  If you think it’s just about Hillary, it’s not.  It’s about all of us.

I don’t know about you, but I think I’ll be holding my breath till November.  Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is certain she is screwing it up.  Thanks for reading. Xo