Lonely Mommy Long Winter


This Mommy business is a lonely one.  While I am basking in the joy of it all, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that I feel lonely quite a bit of the time.  I have a hunch that I’m not the only mommy out there who feels this way, at times.  Let’s face it, my constant companion is a two year old who doesn’t speak in full sentences yet and who has mood swings that rival the best of schizophrenics . I keep hearing that motherhood is so rewarding.  But I am guessing the big reward is a type of delayed gratification.   Like after all this hard work, one day I’ll look up at my son while he accepts the Nobel Peace prize and know it was all worth it.  Right?  But for now, staying home raising a child, while full of great moments, can be exhausting, and most definitely, lonely.

I find myself alone in my thoughts for a great part of the day.  For me, that isn’t always good.  I tend to over think things.  It makes my husband crazy.  Sorry, lover.  But, it is hard to avoid.  I often find, if something is important to me, it is hard to just let it go.  I take far too much to heart and listen to far too much CNN radio.   The icing on that cake of disaster, is that I am incredibly sensitive with a two year old for company.

I find most other moms out and around where we live, pretty much keep to themselves.  At the play area in the mall the other day, I sat across from another mother.  I could tell her son was at least a year or more older than O.  She looked stylish, involved, (but not hovering), and a bit older (like me).  I thought to myself, I wonder if I could be friends with her?  The children played and we knowingly nodded to each other here and there.  At one point I commented on how I loved her son’s hair.  A head full of curls.  He was a gorgeous child.  She politely said “thanks.”  But that was the extent of our interaction.  We each moved onto our own day  each with our own child in tow.  It’s weird.  Yet, I suppose it would be weirder to approach someone you don’t  even know, in a mall,  and say, “let’s be friends!”  Yeah, that is most definitely weirder.

The truth is, I guess I am a bit of a loner.  It isn’t necessarily always by choice.  It reminds me of high school at times….when you walked into the cafeteria and didn’t see your friends.  You would feel awkward or uncomfortable until you spotted your group.  You might give off an I don’t care air,  just to self preserve.  Maybe I give off a stand-offish  vibe off to other moms?   Ironic, the self admitted loner saying she gets lonely.  Ha.  But it’s true.  It is absurd that I worry that O doesn’t like big groups.  Neither does Mommy (or Daddy for that matter!) I swear, does our child stand a chance?

I look up at the skylight in our family room.  It is covered with frost on this frigid November morning.  Winter is fast approaching.  It’s gonna be a long lonely one unless I jump out of my comfort zone.  I need to commit to putting aside my mild discomfort with new people.  I need to venture into the unknown of new friendships.  I suppose I find that most of the moms I encounter are much younger than me.  But, in truth,  age has little to do with commonalities shared among moms.  I’m looking for excuses to stay stuck.

No, it is time to put on my big girl layers of cuddle duds and flannel.  I have had wonderful friendships in my life, that still exist, though almost all are now at a long distance.  It’s time for some more day to day friends.  My life is here in New England now where the winters are cold and often long.  What I know of friendship is that it is necessary and most definitely warms your heart.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up.  Yup.  Pretty much every day.  xo




SAHM ISO BFF :  Stay At Home Mom In Search Of Best Friend Forever! Well, that’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?  But imagine if it was that easy to put it out there and meet other moms and actually become great friends!

I’ve written before about the loneliness of motherhood.  I imagine it is something many stay at home moms deal with at one time or another.  Living several hours away from my family (with the exception of my mother in law, thank god!) proves to make me lonelier than most, I suspect.  Especially with my personality.  Most people assume that because I am a performer, I am an extrovert.  But that is not the case.   I have a very hard time making friends.  And ever since I have had O, I wonder if I am in jeopardy of losing the ones I do have due to lack of contact.

It isn’t for lack of interest in my friends.  Thanks to Facebook I can at least see what they are up to.  I constantly cheer them on, unbeknownst to them, nestled away in my New England haven.  I smile for them. I laugh with them.  I even cry for them.  But we all know Facebook is not real life.  The contact is “virtual.”  It certainly doesn’t leave you feeling like you spent the afternoon with a good girlfriend.  I remember that feeling.  I would feel inspired.  Invigorated.  Like I could take on the world.  Nothing inspires your confidence like time spent with a bestie.

These days I am in toddler world.  From the moment O is awake to the moment he goes down for a nap he consumes my energy.  Once he wakes up it starts again until he is down for the night.  I’m not complaining.  I’m not looking for sympathy.  It is simply the way it is.  He constantly requires my focus.  If I’m not reading to him or feeding him or playing with him, my attention is on where he is and is he burning the house down? or is he sticking his tongue in a socket?  Even giving him his “alone time” to explore and play on his own, takes my focus.  It’s not about hovering.  It’s about the fact that I can’t abandon all thoughts of him to focus on JUST me.  By the time his nap time comes I just want to shut off for a bit.  I use that time to take care of business, if I need to.  But mostly I use it to take some down time.  I use it to do something cathartic for me. I want to piddle in the garden.  I want to work on my latest DIY project for the house.  Whatever it is, the last thing I really want to do is talk on the phone.  I mean no offense to any of my friends.  Most of them are working at that time anyway. And several of them are on the West Coast, so the time difference is impossible.  When I can chat, it’s either 5 am their time, or 9pm my time and I’m already in bed.  Oh the glamorous life I lead!

I guess if I could say something to each wonderful friend I have it would be this:  I miss you deeply and love you dearly.  Although you are not in my everyday life at this point, you are warmly in my thoughts and are absolutely part of the person I am today.  Though it may seem like I am a totally different person….I am not.  I’m still me.  I’m just a Mom now, in addition to all the other crazy hats I wear.  Please don’t think because I have a child now I don’t care to be friends with you.  Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? If you are a friend of mine, I must tell you, you are a pretty special person.  I don’t take that for granted.  Wonderful people are not a dime a dozen.  It’s just that sometimes life (or in this case, a toddler) gets in the way.  Forgive me.  I WILL return to the land of the liberated.  It’s just gonna take a few years.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up.  Thanks for reading! Xo