Being Alive

Ok.  I’ve crunched through my bowl of low salt popcorn.  I drank my second 12 oz glass of water for the day.  I’ve watched a bit of spirit crushing C-span.  I’ve gone through the news and political blurbs that, lately,  hurt my brain.  And yet, here is the ironic truth…..I remain happy.  I am happy because I am grateful to be here.  Not just to exist, but to be alive.  Truly alive.

The other day I was listening to the Broadway channel on Sirius XM, as any good musical theatre geek does.  Raul Esparza’s rendition of “Being Alive” from Stephen Sondheim ‘s musical Company came on.  As I drove,  the words he sang seemed to penetrate me in a way they never had before.

Somebody hold me too close.
Somebody hurt me too deep.
Somebody sit in my chair,
And ruin my sleep,
And make me aware,
Of being alive.
Being alive.

Somebody need me too much.
Somebody know me too well.
Somebody pull me up short,
And put me through hell,
And give me support,
For being alive.
Make me alive.
Make me alive.

Somebody crowd me with love.
Somebody force me to care.
Somebody let me come through,
I’ll always be there,
As frightened as you,
To help us survive,
Being alive.
Being alive.
Being alive!

Its a song about the fundamental need we have to be needed and loved by another being.  I think when we accept that we, indeed,  have just that, life gets a whole lot brighter, even in the midst of hardships, depression and crumbling governments.  I talk a lot about gratitude and perspective. If ever there was a time for people to take control of their perspective, it is now.  My top priorities are my son and husband.  My husband is my person, like in the song.  He is my someone and my O is the natural extension of that love and connection.  They are my everything. I choose to make them my main focus. Of course there is room for other things in my orb, but I am making sure to balance my intake of the negative world and alternative facts, with that which inspires, empowers, and enriches me.  I’m reading this and I am sounding a lot like some tripping ethereal hippie.  I assure you, my walls aren’t melting and my feet are planted on the ground.

You may think I’m coo coo for Cocoa Puffs, but I truly feel I owe my wonderful life to my husband.  Had he not risked revealing his true self to me all those years ago…  Had he not been so fearless in his love for me when I was still the coward…I would not be this unabashedly happy today.   And, he made one hell of a baby with me!  I tell you, I owe everything that matters to him.  Obviously, I could go further and thank my lucky stars, or the Universe or, duh, God.  Absolutely.  And that is the whole point.  What is going on right now in our world is abominable, I’m my opinion.  It is a sad and deplorable time in our country.   But it is only a tiny piece of time in the puzzle of our existence.   It cannot take over my mind.  I am in this fight for the long haul.  What kind of warrior would I be if I just crawled under my covers binge watching Netflix in comatose denial?  I will not give up any part of my wonderful life to the threatening darkness.  I can be involved, informed, even irate and still be happy.   I will remain happy because I am choosing to be.  Because my husband and son deserve me to be.  And my vigilance and resolve to make this world a better place will only strengthen.   For me, that is what it means to be alive today.  Thank you, my love, for making me ALIVE.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up! Thanks for reading! Peace! Xo

Taming Your Demons With Chips


This week’s post isn’t about having a child.  It isn’t about being a new mom of advanced maternal age.  It is simply a rebuttal,  fused with some humor and what I believe is truth.  I don’t want you to think that I live a charmed life….although I think I do.  I don’t want haters and such people writing nasty comments on my blog…..although there have been several.  I want you to know my life is no grander and no worse than anyone’s.  I just happen to think I’m the luckiest chick in the world.  I know and accept the saying…”haters gonna hate.” I figured writing a blog would make me a target for criticism or worse. I kind of hoped just for the criticism, but hey, we can’t pick and choose.  Even my self deprecating humor has come hit me in the face like a dirty mud pie.  It’s all part of the territory.

The reason I say all of this is because people usually write and say nasty things because they feel something is lacking in their own life.  Something is making that person unhappy…so let’s just project it outward onto anyone and anything.  Well, I’d like to offer up an alternative to those folks dealing with their negative demons.  It’s something I do to keep my crazy at bay.   Instead of indulging in nasty and unattractive behavior, may I suggest indulging in a bowl of extra crunchy kettle cooked potato chips.  Preferably the ones made without additives.  Just good honest super crunchy potato chips.  (Trader Joes makes a superb chip).

You see, there is something truly satisfying about the crunch….the salt…the rote mechanics of putting your hand to your mouth.  Who ever thought you could get lost in a chip?….But I tell you, it’s possible. By bowl’s end you will find savory satisfaction.  You will find yourself fulfilled.  By bowl’s end you won’t feel like being a hater. You won’t be as stressed.  It’s my m.o. for unwinding.  Unhappy readers should try it.

There is a saying that goes like this.  “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there still is going to be somebody who doesn’t like peaches.”  I’m sure I’ll catch hell fire for that.  Someone will assume I think I’m the juicy peach.  Oh Please.  Meryl Streep said it perfectly when she made this statement:

“I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me.”

Well amen to that.  If you disagree with something I write, by all means speak up and comment.  Respectful alternative viewpoints and conversations are healthy.  Nasty comments are not.  They honestly say more about the critic than they do about the subject.  So here’s another tactic.  Just don’t read my blog.  If something insenses you to the point of ugly unglued behavior, don’t read it.  And if you simply hate me because my life is so wonderful, well, then perhaps a shift in your perspective on your own life is in order.  Our lives are what we make of them..or what we believe them to be.  Perspective is everything.  From where I’m sitting, I’m the luckiest chick I know and the chips are extra crunchy.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is messing it up. As always, thanks for reading! Xo

Sick Baby Silly Mommy


This week there has been no jam making or furniture staining.  No re-upholstering, no sanding woodwork, no projects period.  Everything is in a holding pattern. Little O is sick.  He has a high fever.   Red throat. Sick look in his eyes.  Yes, my little bub is sick.

It is really the first time he’s been sick.  He had a cold once at around 5 months old and he has been teething since before his first tooth at 4 months….but he’s never really been this sick. You know, for days.  I don’t like it.  What makes it even worse is that he can’t tell me what feels bad.  At 15 months old he is just stuck feeling horrible, wondering why.  It’s our job to guess and assess.  Not easy, is it parents? It’s just the worst.

I say “it’s the worst,” but in truth, we have had it quite easy and have been very blessed.  We have a healthy little boy who happens to be sick right now.  But it makes me think about the parents who have children who are REALLY sick.  Who were born with an illness. Who spend days at a time, even months, in a hospital.  I can’t imagine the level of worry those parents must endure.  It is unfathomable to me.  I suppose as a parent you just do what you have to do to get through it.  But talk about courage.  The courage to face every day and create a world of beautiful possibilities for your child in the face of such uncertainty…..these parents are truly heroic.  I pray I will never really know what that is like.

I realize that I have thought of O’s  good health as a given.  I have taken it for granted so easily.  How awful of me.  How audacious.  I think about how tough the week has been with a fussy needy sick child….and he isn’t even THAT sick.  How dare I! Talk about loss of perspective.  I need to thank my lucky stars because TODAY I have a sick little boy….but tomorrow or the next day he will be better.  And for TODAY,  my husband and I and our families are healthy.  My cousin calls it a “grace period.” It’s a window of time where everyone is doing ok.  Later? Who knows? Let’s be grateful for the good stuff, NOW.

So I will follow the Doctor’s orders.  I’ll continue to push the fluids on my little guy.  He just won’t eat yet.   And I’ll coddle and cuddle him and control his temperature with a piggyback of Baby Motrin and Infant Tylenol.  I’ll read to him and let him be fussy.  And soon he will be back to his joyful energetic self and I’ll be writing about some new struggle.  But I will not take his good health and our great fortune for granted again.  If you happen to be a parent with a child who has a challenging sickness, know that there is someone you have never met who is thinking of you and praying for your child.  In fact, I’d venture to say you have a whole army of people doing just that.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is messing it up! Thanks for reading! Xo