SAHM

Parenting and Privacy

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It dawned on me this morning, as I was sitting on the commode, that I will most likely not have any privacy for the next 4-5 years.  Maybe more? Oye.  It was not hard to come to this conclusion.  As I was trying to expedite my morning “ritual,” my son pushes his way into the downstairs powder room, book in hand.  “Hi!” He likes to announce himself as he enters pretty much any room. He is uber curious about anything having to do with the potty, so he is instantly intrigued.  I’m like, “buddy, mommy needs some privacy.”  Of course, this request has no affect on little O.  He is at this point climbing over me to get to the toilet paper. I somehow direct him out and keep the door ajar enough to keep an eye on him.

No sooner than I sigh, he is back.  This time pushing his Thomas the Tank riding toy into the tiny room like a bulldozer.  There is barely enough room for the two of us and the heavy door that swings into the room, let alone a push toy singing songs of Thomas and his friends.  I drop my head into my hands.  This is my life.  My glamorous life.  Pooping in front of my child and Thomas the Tank.  All Aboard!

I share this moment of Too Much Information, because I need to know….it happens to all of us who are home with our children, right?  We ALL don’t have privacy, correct?  I’m sure there are moms and dads who have the means to have an au pair or a nanny to assist….but for the most part, the breech of privacy is universal.  Right? Cause if it isn’t, what am I doing wrong? I can’t seem to justify locking myself into the bathroom for vanity’s sake.  Do you know what kind of havoc could occur in the five or ten minutes I might not have my eye on our little explorer?  It is not a viable option.  I am left to think my only recourse is to grin and bear it.

I can only imagine how our lack of privacy will expand as O gets older.  But the truth of the matter is – I’ll take it.  If it’s part of the deal of getting to raise this little guy, then, by all means, pooping with Thomas and friends is a small price to pay. It just strikes me that we stay-at-home parents really have some odd things that just become our normal.  You just don’t think about it until you are in the moment.  I guess our sense of humor and our incredible love for our child gets us through everything.

Here’s to parenting and a lack of privacy! Cheers! Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up! Thanks for reading! Xo

Top 10 Occupational Hazards of a SAHM

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I have been realizing more and more, there are several alarmingly real, and often truly gross, occupational hazards of being a Stay At Home Mom.  I am sure as my boy gets older, the list will evolve and grow, as he does.  But the list for the parent of a toddler is pretty robust, to say the least.  I have said it before and I’ll say it again, this is the toughest job in the world….and not for the faint of heart.  I’m sure everyone’s  list has variations…but here’s my top 10.

# 1.  You will get sick.  Be it the cold your LO got from this week’s play date or the stomach bug that flew through the entire story time group….you will come down with whatever your LO gets.  It’s just the way it goes.

# 2.  You will wear your toddler’s food on occasion.  Whether it splatters by mistake or your LO decides it would look better on your shirt than on his spoon…you will wear it.

# 3.  You will become disconnected from your friends without children.  It doesn’t mean it’s forever.  But it just happens.   When you find yourself with a free moment, you’ll realize that you couldn’t possibly call them right now, as it’s only 5 am where they live.

# 4.  You will be tired.  You will fall in love with bed.  Sleep becomes the highest priority after taking care of your LO.  You will dream of sleep while you are sleeping.

# 5.   You will get thrown up on.  It’s not pretty.  Nor does it smell nice.

# 6.   You will get poop on some part of you or your apparel. Whether it be a leaky diaper, or a diaper change gone wrong, it will happen.  If you are lucky enough to have a boy….you will, at least once, get pee in your face.  Again, not pretty nor fresh smelling.

# 7.   Your nice things will not remain nice.  Your brand new carpet will get soiled and your $4000 couch will become a Kleenex for your toddler’s runny nose.  It’s just stuff.  Get a good protection plan.

# 8.   Everything you say will be repeated.  Everything.  Choose your words carefully.  Oh, shit!

# 9.    You will feel like you are failing.  Often.  Rest assured,  if you care that you are, then you most likely are not.

#10.   You will not be prepared for the amount of love you possess for your child.  Nor will you imagine how it keeps growing exponentially.    It often takes your breath away.  Get an inhaler.

Until next time, keep smiling, keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up.  Thanks for reading! Xo

SAHM ISO BFF

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SAHM ISO BFF :  Stay At Home Mom In Search Of Best Friend Forever! Well, that’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?  But imagine if it was that easy to put it out there and meet other moms and actually become great friends!

I’ve written before about the loneliness of motherhood.  I imagine it is something many stay at home moms deal with at one time or another.  Living several hours away from my family (with the exception of my mother in law, thank god!) proves to make me lonelier than most, I suspect.  Especially with my personality.  Most people assume that because I am a performer, I am an extrovert.  But that is not the case.   I have a very hard time making friends.  And ever since I have had O, I wonder if I am in jeopardy of losing the ones I do have due to lack of contact.

It isn’t for lack of interest in my friends.  Thanks to Facebook I can at least see what they are up to.  I constantly cheer them on, unbeknownst to them, nestled away in my New England haven.  I smile for them. I laugh with them.  I even cry for them.  But we all know Facebook is not real life.  The contact is “virtual.”  It certainly doesn’t leave you feeling like you spent the afternoon with a good girlfriend.  I remember that feeling.  I would feel inspired.  Invigorated.  Like I could take on the world.  Nothing inspires your confidence like time spent with a bestie.

These days I am in toddler world.  From the moment O is awake to the moment he goes down for a nap he consumes my energy.  Once he wakes up it starts again until he is down for the night.  I’m not complaining.  I’m not looking for sympathy.  It is simply the way it is.  He constantly requires my focus.  If I’m not reading to him or feeding him or playing with him, my attention is on where he is and is he burning the house down? or is he sticking his tongue in a socket?  Even giving him his “alone time” to explore and play on his own, takes my focus.  It’s not about hovering.  It’s about the fact that I can’t abandon all thoughts of him to focus on JUST me.  By the time his nap time comes I just want to shut off for a bit.  I use that time to take care of business, if I need to.  But mostly I use it to take some down time.  I use it to do something cathartic for me. I want to piddle in the garden.  I want to work on my latest DIY project for the house.  Whatever it is, the last thing I really want to do is talk on the phone.  I mean no offense to any of my friends.  Most of them are working at that time anyway. And several of them are on the West Coast, so the time difference is impossible.  When I can chat, it’s either 5 am their time, or 9pm my time and I’m already in bed.  Oh the glamorous life I lead!

I guess if I could say something to each wonderful friend I have it would be this:  I miss you deeply and love you dearly.  Although you are not in my everyday life at this point, you are warmly in my thoughts and are absolutely part of the person I am today.  Though it may seem like I am a totally different person….I am not.  I’m still me.  I’m just a Mom now, in addition to all the other crazy hats I wear.  Please don’t think because I have a child now I don’t care to be friends with you.  Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? If you are a friend of mine, I must tell you, you are a pretty special person.  I don’t take that for granted.  Wonderful people are not a dime a dozen.  It’s just that sometimes life (or in this case, a toddler) gets in the way.  Forgive me.  I WILL return to the land of the liberated.  It’s just gonna take a few years.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up.  Thanks for reading! Xo