For Now


Yesterday I opened up my Facebook feed and felt like I got punched in the gut.  Not once, not twice, but three times.  Within a span of four minutes, I was given three separate notices of horrible news.  Two separate instances of friends finding out they have cancer and the other instance was about another special soul taken from this earth far too soon.  Rarely do I get hit with three consecutive bits of bad news so quickly.  It was a jolt, to say the least.

I know bad things happen.  It seems often that they happen to the best people.  But why? And why one person and not another? Only a higher power knows these answers.  It makes me think about life.  And what it means to actually live.  It makes me think about attitude, perspective and the choice we have everyday to LIVE.   It makes me realize that life is for NOW.  That is really all there is….NOW.  Yesterday is done.  Tomorrow may never happen.  So NOW is everything.

If you are lucky enough to be blessed today, why not acknowledge it? Why not celebrate? Why not thank your lucky stars? …Today!  Tomorrow,  I could be the one announcing some horrible news.  I could be the one fighting cancer, God forbid.  But today…I am healthy.  I am loved.  I am safe.  I have joy in my life.  I am living.  Conversely, I know that if I am sad or in pain….it is just for now.  It isn’t a permanent state of being.

I was thinking that I hadn’t learned this lesson from my upbringing….as my wonderful Mother lives mostly in the past or in the land of “if only.”  (If only her kids lived closer.  If only her husband was different.  Etc.). But, maybe that is precisely WHY I believe so differently about life.  I see very closely what can happen when you don’t acknowledge what you have.  When you don’t say out loud what you are grateful for…everyday.  When you let the bad news of life dull your NOW.  Trust me, I am not minimizing depression.  I understand first hand the effects it has on the depressed and their loved  ones. I have great compassion for anyone afflicted with this dark disease.

I only hope,  I can instill in my little O, a sense of gratitude and thankfulness.  I believe you have to practice gratitude.  Every night my husband and I list five things we are grateful for.  It is a practice that has become habit and I love that.  We will do the same with O when he is old enough.  Hopefully he will carry that with him to help shape his perspective on life.

I am not saying happiness is as easy as counting your blessings.  But it is certainly a common practice of happy people.  So for now, I am going to count mine. I have so many.  My most precious one is toddling around, squealing with joy and clapping his hands. He is also in need of a diaper change.  Now.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight.  And remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is certain she is messing it up.  Thanks for reading. Xo

Subtle Summer


It dawned on me the other day that it was almost August! Where is the summer going? I realized that I had yet to do anything “summery.”  The days were marching on and I was not participating in the standard joys of the season.  Who am I? Oh wait, I’m a mother of a one year old.

Our days have been consumed with our crazy move and making this new house our home.  It’s all coming along, but far from finished.  But if we don’t take some time to enjoy this beautiful summer it will be gone before we know it.  I feel like I should rush out to play some mini golf or get some ice cream at a seasonal creamery.  Or go to the beach.  Or go sailing. But O is only one.  He doesn’t do ice cream yet or mini golf.  The beach is daunting on my own with the little guy not to mention the summer sun would fry his milky white skin. He’s napping twice a day lately so the window of time I get out of the house is small….And we don’t own a sailboat.

Past summers have been spent in the sunflower fields of Tuscany and on exotic Greek Island Beaches.  I would get excited for the summer sales at Gucci in Rome and for walking through the Bazaar in Istanbul.  I’d spend my days that happened to be stateside on a beach, reading, working out and getting far too tan for the likes of my fair skin.  I’ve had all the glamour, excitement and travel a person should be allowed.  My husband asked me the other day if I missed my old life.  🙂 Without pause, I said, “No.”  And that’s the Gods honest truth.  It’s not that it wasn’t great….it was.  But this is just so much better.  And I really believe you just don’t “get it” till it happens to you.  Till your ready for it.

I find myself opening all the windows in our new home, feeling the warm breeze and listening to all the sounds of summer.  I watch O practice his walking like an Olympic athlete.  This kid is tenacious! I watch the clouds from the skylight in our beautiful great room.  Light pouring in.  It’s heavenly.  It is my summer this year.  And I realize,  that it’s all right with me.  Next year, O will be older and more ready for the beach.  He will get excited for an ice cream cone and will have mastered the art of running, let alone walking.  But for now, our summer is on the subtle side.  A slower pace, if you like.  I don’t mind it, surprisingly.  But hold onto your hats,  things are about to get crazy…When O wakes up from his nap we might go to the farm down the road to get some fresh vegetables and I think I’ll make my Mom’s raspberry pie.  That always makes me feel like it’s summer.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight! And remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is certain she is messing it up! Xo


Thoughts on the Bottle


I’ve been thinking a bit about the bottle lately.  It seems like ever since O turned a year old, the pressure to get him off the bottle comes from all directions.  Every parenting article I read tells me it’s time to give it up. Every well meaning relative, every Tom, Dick and Harry (every Tom, Harry or Dick) thinks once a child turns one we should take the bottle out of his hands.  If I was nursing, would there be pressure to get my child off the boob at a year old? I’m interested to know.

Why is it that my baby went from infant to toddler in the span of a day? I mean, I know he’s not an infant anymore, but he hardly qualifies as a little boy yet.  He’s still a baby for goodness sake.  That bottle is a comfort for him before bedtime…and (here it goes) I still give him one early in he morning.  That one is more for me, because O will sleep another two hours if he has a bottle.  That’s time for me to shower, enjoy my coffee, and DO things.  It’s GOLD! And really, I have to change his diaper after he sleeps through the night anyway.  ( God knows, there is no room in it for his morning poop…it MUST be changed!)…so what’s the problem with a bottle and a cuddle?  Is there something wrong with that?

He drinks pretty well with his sippy cup during the day…but only water.  He won’t do “milk” in it at all.  So the only milk he gets is before bed and in the early morning.  So it’s not like I’m giving him too much.  And why is my tone so defensive? Why is it SO important to get my son off the bottle so quickly? Why does society want my baby to grow up so fast? It seems to me that O lets me know when he is ready for things.  I introduce things and in time he takes to them.  I don’t push foods on him, but just keep introducing and re-introducing them.  Sometimes the 7th time is the charm! I am digressing.

The point is, my boy has a lifetime to drink out of cups.  I really don’t believe it is detrimental to him to have a bottle for another year.  Maybe more. I don’t know.  What I do know, is that I am in NO rush to have him do anything un-baby like.  That time will be here before I know it.  I don’t mind keeping him little for as long as I can.  I’m sure someone out there thinks I am holding my child back or being a complete hover mommy.  But the fact is, at least in O’s case, he eventually hits every milestone with joy and gusto….when he’s good and ready.  I’ve learned now, not to stress over it.  He’s gonna do everything he’s “supposed” to in his own time.  Why push?

Well, friends, that’s my two cents for this week 🙂 Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, and remember…behind every great kid, is a mom who is sure she is messing it up.


Broke Back Mommy


I’m fried.  Completely and utterly fried.  After two weeks of below par sleep, moving house, packing and unpacking, cleaning like a fiend, commuting back and forth from the new house to my mother in law’s, where we are staying while the place gets painted and re carpeted (have I mentioned she is a saint?), not to mention hauling boxes and moving furniture….this chick is done.  I am officially toast. I should do a commercial for Aleve.  I’ve taken enough.   Please don’t mistake what I say for actually being all moved in.  Far far from it.  I mean I am POOPED! My brain, my body….my BACK….toast.  I know you should never say never…but I NEVER want to move again.  Three times in a year…I don’t recommend it.  Not to mention moving into a house that needs a LOT of  tender love and care.

I say all of this not just to rant and complain.  Although it feels good.  I am letting you in on this morsel of physical pain I am experiencing so you might understand why I have nothing of any worth to say this week.  Nothing.  Forming a coherent sentence is a challenge.  I can’t even see straight these days.  I’ve been wearing my glasses, as I truly think my eyesight has deteriorated in just a matter of days from exhaustion.  Can eyeballs hurt?

When I mentioned to my husband that it was Thursday and I didn’t have a post…..he said, “Well, you better get crackin.”  I have many responses to that.  A saccharin “Yes, Dear” was not one of them.  But i knew he was right, damn it… I sat down and wrote this letter to you.   If  you are a faithful reader, I apologize.  If you are new to my tales, insights and observations, I’ll say, “Tune in next week.”  This Mommy needs a heating pad, 4 Aleve, and a Cabernet chaser.  Every Mom needs a break every once in a while….if not more.   My Mother in Law says, “This Too Shall Pass.”  I am sure it will….. As does all pain.  Oh poor me.  We all should have such problems.  Trust me, the pity party will be over next week.  And that’s it.  That’s all I’ve got.  When you’ve exhausted yourself, take a break.  Words to live by.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight and remember,  behind every great kid is a Mom who is sure she is messing it up!

Rainbows And Reality


I did not set out to write a controversial blog.  In fact, if more people thought like me, it wouldn’t be. 🙂  I am still trying to figure out why everyone doesn’t share all my thoughts and opinions. Lol.  But, seriously, folks…..this week marked a historical time in our country’s evolution. Marriage equality for everyone!  The straights, the gays, the others…everyone, free to marry their one true love.  Pretty awesome, I think.  Most of my circle of friends are progressive people.  Lots of artists, educators and all around wonderful people.  A majority of my friends are gay.  Some of my nearest and dearest.  For the most part, the internet was a rainbow of colors celebrating this step forward for equality.  Because my circle of friends are mostly like thinkers, my Facebook feed was pretty positive stuff.   On the other hand, the thing about social media is that you don’t just get the stuff you want to see…you get a lot of the stuff you wished you hadn’t.  That is what happened this week.

A friend of mine, who I knew was a church going gal, posted some pretty negative stuff regarding same sex marriage.  I’m saddened by this, because I don’t know that I can be friends with her after reading her opinions.  Before social media let you post your opinions for the world to see, I didn’t know she had such disdainful feelings towards some of my dearest friends, dare I say family.  How can I remain friends with her when I know now how she feels about the people that I love?

She went as far as to say that God “detests” homosexuality.  Hmm.  That’s pretty strong.  Firstly, how does she know?  I mean a vast majority of us speak to God…but has he ever actually spoken to her saying,” I detest the Gays!”  I’m confused by this righteousness coming from a twice married woman.   For the life of me, I just don’t see why anyone wants to deny another person equality?  It seems so un-Christian.  It’s like being on a diet and being outraged that the person next to you is eating a hamburger.  It’s irrational. At least in my opinion.

What I know for sure is that I want my child to grow up in a world where no matter what his sexual orientation is, he will be treated fairly.  No matter what the color of his skin is, he will be treated without prejudice.   If he decides he feels more comfortable in women’s clothes or he wants to be called Olivia, I want society to treat him with dignity and respect.  I know, I know….life isn’t fair.  But the laws that govern our land should be.  At the very least.

I keep discovering things about myself as I continue on this journey of being a mother, especially at my advanced maternal age.  One, is that I am stronger than I ever knew I was.  Another is, I have no tolerance for people’s ridiculous hate.  Life is just too too short.  And I don’t have time to have my nose in anyone else’s garden if I want to tend to my own precious one.  Most importantly, my priority is my beautiful family.  If anyone threatened my son’s right to equality, I would no doubt get all Mama Bear on them.  It is with that same ferocity I feel I must sever this friendship. I don’t say this lightly. I mean her no malice and I wish her well in all that is to come for her and her family.  Yes, everyone is entitled to their opinion.  But you don’t get to be my friend when your moral compass is so drastically opposing to what I believe in my heart to be right.  Perhaps it is a failing in my character that I can’t overlook such things.  I don’t know.  What is clear to me is that when there is intolerance and hate, everyone loses.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight! And remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is messing it up. 🙂