So often I read about women who detest their mothers in law.  I don’t even know where to begin with my objection to this.  Now I guess I lucked out in the mother in law department.  My husband’s mother is amazing.  A true angel.  A wonderful grandmother and a really great lady.  I truly enjoy her company.  So I guess it makes my choice to like/love her easy.  Yes, I say choice.  Because we can choose how we decide to feel about a person.  But if I didn’t happen to adore my mother in law? Then what?

Well, let’s see.  # 1.  I would NOT write negatively about her on Facebook.  Come on ladies!  Do you think your very candid public vent is somehow going to help your relationship with your MIL?    You might as well pour gasoline on a burning fire.  Did that sarcastic jab make you feel better after you pushed “post?”  Was the three seconds of satisfaction worth the fall out?  The only thing this very rash and impulsive move will accomplish, is hurting your MIL, and also your husband.

And that leads me to #2.  I would try everything I could to make the MIL relationship a good one for my husband’s sake.  How do you think your strained relationship makes your husband feel?  Why add that stress to your husband’s plate?  Have the foresight to see that it will only add stress to your relationship with your hubbie.  Why do that to yourself?  Unless you like to live a life steeped in drama, keep the MIL relationship civil, at the very least.  I know, I know, someone out there is saying, “But you just don’t understand how she can be?”  It doesn’t matter.  You will never change the actions of someone else….you can only change your reaction.  SO..be part of the solution…not part of the problem. You will feel better and your husband will love you all the more for it.

# 3 is perhaps the most important in my book.  I would do everything I could to encourage the MIL’s relationship with my child.  The relationship between a child and his grandparents is one of the most important relationships in a person’s life.  A grandparent loves your child AS MUCH as you do.  They want only what is best for your child.  That child is a part of them…as he is a part of you. It is a beautiful bond, if you let it be.  It is another person you can feel good about leaving your child with if you need to.  Honestly, to watch my MIL with my O….is one of my favorite things.  To see their bond forming…to see the love for him she wears so effortlessly on her face and in her heart.  Why deny either one of them this bond?  But especially your child?  The exception would be, if there was abuse.  Obviously, you wouldn’t want to put your child in harms way, ever.

Look, familial relationships are tough at times.  Ifyou consider your family your friends, it seems these days, you are in the minority.  Dysfunction is everywhere.  But don’t fight over a child.  Don’t fight in front of a child.  Teach your child to cherish his family and special relationships. It is a gift you not only give to your child, but to yourself, as well.  One day, I will be the mother in law.  I can only hope my son chooses a partner who has learned to value family.  But I already understand my part in making that relationship work.  It will mean so much to my son.  And that is a gift I would never deny him.  🙂

O and his Grammy..true love.

Until the next time, keep on keepin on! And remember, behind every great kid is a mother who is certain she is messing it all up! 🙂