I am the first one to say I don’t know how to relax.  I am always “doing” something.  Shamefully, I admit, I sometimes tackle not just two, but three or four projects at a time.  Like at the same time.  Not the best strategy always, but I usually have a lot of pots on the stove, so to speak.  Yesterday was no exception.

It was around 2:15pm. Smack in the middle of O’s nap time.  I was finishing up a project I was working on for Christmas and starting to make a new Chicken Bratwurst recipe with a warm kartoffelsalat for the side.  The contractor who is renovating our bathrooms shows up to do a faucet install.  I figured O would most likely sleep through any noise, as he should have been deeply down by this point in time.  Boy, was I wrong.  One creek up the staircase and O was UP with all capitals and a very loud whine. Our very observant contractor points out, “Hey, the baby’s crying.”  Really? Huh….Gee, I didn’t hear the ear piercing cry….thanks for letting me know.  I didn’t say that….what I said was, “yeah.”

I went into O’s room.  He had only slept for an hour.  There  was no way he was ready to actually get up. I kept the light off and picked him up out of his crib and went to the rocker.  The whole weight of his body draped over my shoulder.  I sat down and started to gently rock and sing to him.  What happened next was such a great gift and it truly brought joyful tears to my eyes.  O fell asleep in my arms.  Now you might think, big deal.  But my O hasn’t slept in my arms for any real length of time since he was an infant.  This was 40 minutes of absolute angelic bliss.  A couple times he stirred only to look up at me with the purest love in his eyes only to then fall back asleep. It was heaven on earth.

I wish that 40 minutes could have gone on and on.  I would have left every project and pot to boil over.  Nothing mattered to me in that moment, but THAT moment.  What a lesson in simply being there.  It is a lesson I needed refreshing in, especially lately.  I let myself become crazed with tasks again.  I feel foolish and well, exhausted.  Time to take it easy again.  Oh my little O is the best teacher!

The only hard thing to swallow about my blissful 40 minutes was that when those times were a regular occurrence, when O was a newborn, I feel like I didn’t enjoy them.  At least not the way I would have had I not had the post partum blues.   It made me sad to think I missed a lot of that time.  I just couldn’t get my head on straight then.  I won’t beat myself up about it anymore.  It is what it is. And I thank God I got through it.   But I can’t pretend I didn’t miss some really special moments.  I guess I should be grateful that I got to fully savor something so wonderful now.  And I am……so grateful.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up.  Thanks for reading! Xo