parentiing

Slow Down, Mommy

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Do you ever feel like things are just moving too fast? Like you just can’t keep up the pace?   Does your “To Do” list overwhelm you? We all have legitimate things that keep our bodies and minds on the go.  I have been in that mode lately.  Add to it the crazy things happening in our world lately and it’s enough to make anyone go into hiding.   I handle it, until I just can’t anymore.  And that’s what has happened.

In a rare moment of quiet (at yoga class, which has been a challenge to get to lately) I realized the frantic pace I have been maintaining.  It took the merry-go-round stopping for me to really understand how severe my situation gets at times.  I set my intention for the class.  I decided to commit to slowing down.  I focused on my breath.  Simple.  Slow.  By the end of the class my teacher reminded us of the intention we set for ourselves at the beginning of the hour.  She urged us to try to carry that with us into the world for as long as we could.  So that is what I decided to do.  I am slowing down. This isn’t some silly lark juice fast here, but rather a serious necessity.  If I don’t slow down I will hit a wall.  And that can’t be good for me or my family.

This is not an easy thing for me to do.  My usual mode has me spinning several plates at a time while I plan my next 20 projects.  When I get over done….you can just imagine the hyper speed I am functioning at.  Or failing to function at, which is what brings about a crash.  So, anyway, the strategy is small simple steps for me.  Breathing.  Taking my time.  Doing one thing at a time (very challenging for this type A mommy).  Enjoying the moment (especially with O and my husband).  And remembering that there are things that I like to partake in, not because they have to get done, but because I enjoy doing them.

So I am making jam.  Raspberry jam from our garden.  You might laugh and think how ridiculous.  Go ahead.  I’ve made several pies already, but the jam is my favorite. It is something to savor into the autumn and winter.  It is a gift to give neighbors and friends.  And for me, this summer, it signifies my struggle to slow down.  I realized the other day that summer is half over and I don’t feel like it even started yet.  What kind of deluded fog have I been in? To say my husband and I have a lot our plates is an understatement. But it is all the more reason to slow down when we are faced with challenges.  It’s things like working in the garden.  Or listening to the rain hit the skylight.  It’s sitting on the kitchen floor reading to O in the middle of making dinner.  It’s the smell of our babies hair and the warmth of his breath when he cuddles next to us.  It’s looking into my Love’s eyes after a long day and really seeing him.  It’s letting him know without words that he is loved and safe in our relationship.  All these things require slowing down.  They take time and connection.  Without these moments of meaning, our lives are just moments that are unacknowledged.  A kind of going through the motions.

It’s funny…the older I get the clearer it becomes to me.  The moments in my life that speak out to me as defining and full of passion and truth, are the simplest ones.  I have a vivid simple memory from years ago that I look at now and know it was a defining moment.  It was years before my husband and I got married.  We were visiting as friends, and I remember him driving me in his jeep.  We were listening to music, just driving to nowhere, and he put his hand in mine.  I remember looking down and seeing our hands together and knowing that it felt so right.  I knew then, it was right.  So much in that simple quiet moment.  Life is funny like that.

So….slow it is.  For as long as I can do it.  Who knows, maybe it will become habit for me.  A way of life, even? And if I fall off the wagon, well then I’ll just have to get back up on the slow ride.  Cause it’s not just me anymore.  I have a husband and child who need me there.  Fully present.  Fully focused. And happy.  Oh yes, happy.  Covered in raspberry jam happy.

Until next time, I’ll be moving at a snail’s pace.  Keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thank you so much for reading.  Xo

 

 

 

 

The Irony of Ignorance

The Irony of Ignorance

There was a post this past week going around the internet.  An offended mother on Facebook re posted it from a “religious” blog.  It was a photo of a women’s abdomen with a C-Section scar…and a caption saying something to the effect of, “if you didn’t give birth naturally you can’t really call yourself a real mother.  Have some respect for the real women who truly gave birth.”  This is, obviously, ridiculous.  It said more insane things, but you get the idea.  The level of ignorance displayed by this “godly” group is astounding….yet, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

I am a woman who had an emergency c-section.  I wear my scar proudly.  It reminds me everyday of the gift I have been given.  I have no shame in having had to give birth that way.  I remember in one of the many classes I took before giving birth, the nurse kept referring to a c-section as an insult to the mother.  I just didn’t see it that way.  Without modern medicine, my delivery would have been fraught with complications, trauma to the baby, or God forbid, worse.  I wanted my beautiful boy.  How he was helped to enter this world, did not matter to me.  Why should it to anyone else? It was our private, intimate moment.  No one else’s.  Why would ANYONE else care?

This leads me to thinking about the troubled times we have ahead in our society.  About the kind of world I have brought my beautiful son into.  The intolerance and fear of ignorant people seems to be spreading.  I can’t even wrap my head around what is going on in Indiana.  It’s like we are stepping backwards in time.  This intolerance, this lack of understanding, this hatred…is all in the name of religion.  I won’t say it’s in the name of God, because God isn’t making these ridiculous, hateful laws.  Men are.  The God I love and pray to would not hate so, nor would he throw me into the furnace of hell for having a c-section. It’s all the same handful of haters chastising women and persecuting the gays. (If only it was just a handful.)   So who are the people supporting this hateful propaganda? What makes these people so fearful?

I can only imagine their hate comes from fear and lack of knowledge.  We are afraid of what we don’t understand.  Is that true? We are afraid of something or someone different.  Maybe when I was 8.  So I think it comes down to education.  Or rather the lack of it.  Education promotes free thinking which, in turn,  creates thoughtful evolved people.  Lack of education leaves room for someone else to come in and tell you how you should think.  And as for the educated suits in Washington…well, in my opinion, power has corrupted their sense of right and wrong.  Oye, this is all so political and that was not my intention when I started writing this post.  But how are these problems solved if not thought through?

I am just one woman.  One scarred, educated, free thinking woman.  Everyday I CAN make a difference.  Everyday I have the ability to mold the next generation.  I may have only one boy, but that’s a start.  I can teach him to respect and embrace the differences in people, to love his neighbor and seek the answers for things he doesn’t understand.   How do I teach this?  By example.  By loving the people in my life…by respecting everyone’s life choices whether they are my choices or not.  This parenting thing is powerful.  More powerful than many may realize.   Yes, the internet is a pretty powerful tool for crazy radicals who want to tear a mother down.  But the antidote to that is just don’t re post the offensive item.  Don’t share it.  Don’t comment on it. It’s truly not worth it..and it only promotes the traffic on their silly site, which is probably why they posted it in the first place.

The irony of all this ignorance is that those involved feel they are justified in their hatred because they feel it is their religious right.  Well, hate is hate is hate…is hate.  No matter how you spin it, you wind up with hate.  It’s sad really.  I do believe in the end,  LOVE will always win.  It is a far more powerful emotion than hate. And easier to pass on.  One day at a time.  One child at a time.

Until next time..keep on keeping on.  And try not to let things others post get you down.  We are all just doing the very best we can….each and every day.  Thanks for reading.