slowing down

Slow Down, Mommy

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Do you ever feel like things are just moving too fast? Like you just can’t keep up the pace?   Does your “To Do” list overwhelm you? We all have legitimate things that keep our bodies and minds on the go.  I have been in that mode lately.  Add to it the crazy things happening in our world lately and it’s enough to make anyone go into hiding.   I handle it, until I just can’t anymore.  And that’s what has happened.

In a rare moment of quiet (at yoga class, which has been a challenge to get to lately) I realized the frantic pace I have been maintaining.  It took the merry-go-round stopping for me to really understand how severe my situation gets at times.  I set my intention for the class.  I decided to commit to slowing down.  I focused on my breath.  Simple.  Slow.  By the end of the class my teacher reminded us of the intention we set for ourselves at the beginning of the hour.  She urged us to try to carry that with us into the world for as long as we could.  So that is what I decided to do.  I am slowing down. This isn’t some silly lark juice fast here, but rather a serious necessity.  If I don’t slow down I will hit a wall.  And that can’t be good for me or my family.

This is not an easy thing for me to do.  My usual mode has me spinning several plates at a time while I plan my next 20 projects.  When I get over done….you can just imagine the hyper speed I am functioning at.  Or failing to function at, which is what brings about a crash.  So, anyway, the strategy is small simple steps for me.  Breathing.  Taking my time.  Doing one thing at a time (very challenging for this type A mommy).  Enjoying the moment (especially with O and my husband).  And remembering that there are things that I like to partake in, not because they have to get done, but because I enjoy doing them.

So I am making jam.  Raspberry jam from our garden.  You might laugh and think how ridiculous.  Go ahead.  I’ve made several pies already, but the jam is my favorite. It is something to savor into the autumn and winter.  It is a gift to give neighbors and friends.  And for me, this summer, it signifies my struggle to slow down.  I realized the other day that summer is half over and I don’t feel like it even started yet.  What kind of deluded fog have I been in? To say my husband and I have a lot our plates is an understatement. But it is all the more reason to slow down when we are faced with challenges.  It’s things like working in the garden.  Or listening to the rain hit the skylight.  It’s sitting on the kitchen floor reading to O in the middle of making dinner.  It’s the smell of our babies hair and the warmth of his breath when he cuddles next to us.  It’s looking into my Love’s eyes after a long day and really seeing him.  It’s letting him know without words that he is loved and safe in our relationship.  All these things require slowing down.  They take time and connection.  Without these moments of meaning, our lives are just moments that are unacknowledged.  A kind of going through the motions.

It’s funny…the older I get the clearer it becomes to me.  The moments in my life that speak out to me as defining and full of passion and truth, are the simplest ones.  I have a vivid simple memory from years ago that I look at now and know it was a defining moment.  It was years before my husband and I got married.  We were visiting as friends, and I remember him driving me in his jeep.  We were listening to music, just driving to nowhere, and he put his hand in mine.  I remember looking down and seeing our hands together and knowing that it felt so right.  I knew then, it was right.  So much in that simple quiet moment.  Life is funny like that.

So….slow it is.  For as long as I can do it.  Who knows, maybe it will become habit for me.  A way of life, even? And if I fall off the wagon, well then I’ll just have to get back up on the slow ride.  Cause it’s not just me anymore.  I have a husband and child who need me there.  Fully present.  Fully focused. And happy.  Oh yes, happy.  Covered in raspberry jam happy.

Until next time, I’ll be moving at a snail’s pace.  Keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thank you so much for reading.  Xo

 

 

 

 

At The End Of The Rainbow

 

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As I sit here sipping my morning coffee I am filled with a feeling of contentment and gratitude.  It’s  quiet moments like this in our home that allow me to reflect on the blessings bestowed upon us.  Yeah, I am also making a grocery list in my head and thinking about how I will accomplish one of my DIY home projects today….but for the most part, I’m just acknowledging how grateful I am.

You see, I am a type A personality, if you couldn’t tell already.  I have this hyper gene in my makeup that makes me think I can do everything…all at once.  It is hard for me to relax and do nothing.  (It seems like such a waste!). But I am reminded, it seems by everyone, that it is, indeed, important to sometimes do just that.  Nothing.  At least to slow down.

I am going to share something that will no doubt make my haters hate me even more.  And that’s fine with me.  I have the best husband/partner in the Universe.  To say, “in the world”  doesn’t seem enough.  He is constantly reminding me to take in the simple things.  The little moments that I would have most likely trampled over on my way to Home Depot.  The instances that turn into moments that create memories that define our lives.  For instance,  one night this summer he set a blanket out on the lawn so we could lay on it and watch the shooting stars.  We saw like 10! The other night, he actually set an alarm (because we struggle to stay up past 9pm) so we could go outside and watch the super lunar eclipse.  I would have slept right through it.  It was spectacular.

Several weeks ago he showed me something that I seem to keep revisiting because it was THAT awesome.  Evenings this summer we would take O to the playground that is near our house.  He adores it.  On this particular night we were there for only about 10 minutes and the sky started to spit raindrops.  We went for cover under the pirate ship, as we were sure it was only a quick sun shower.  Then it started to really pour.  Even the plastic rendition of the Black Pearl couldn’t  keep us dry. We decided to make a run for the car and head home.  As we turned towards to parking lot we saw a huge rainbow.  It took us by surprise.  We scurried over to the car and Ian said, “Let’s find the end of the rainbow!”  I was like, “Seriously?”  “We’re gonna get soaked.” He looked at me with THAT look and said,   “We’re already soaked.”

So off we ran into the baseball field towards the rainbow’s end.  With our child in tow, like children ourselves.  O loved getting wet.  He squealed with absolute delight.  We stopped somewhere in right field and realized the end of the rainbow was Us.  We were standing right where it ended.  We were our own pot of gold!  If that’s not a God-wink, I don’t know what is.  The point is, I would have gotten into the car and drove home,  never seeing the amazing metaphor that now describes our life to me. It is my great fortune to be blessed with a partner who wants to lay under the stars and run in the rain.  Now, of course there are other facets to my dear husband.  He isn’t romping through the daffodils everyday and while he is an optimist, he has never worn a pair of rose colored glasses.  But time and time again he shows me what is truly important.

There is a scene in the classic film, Its A Wonderful Life, where George Bailey is sitting outside his Mother’s house while his brother’s engagement party is going on.  Ma Bailey comes out and tells him Mary Hatch is home from college and he should call on her.  She says of Mary, “She’s the kind of girl who’ll help you find the answers, George.”  I always loved that scene.  Who knew the answers involved such simple wonderful things? Like the laugh of our child, starry nights and a partner who shows me what’s at the end of the rainbow.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up! Xo