Summer

Back 2 School

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As the end of summer approaches and the days become shorter, my Facebook feed is overflowing with posts rejoicing in the fact that children are finally heading back to school.  There seems to be a collective sigh of relief among mothers of school age children, as if the school year couldn’t start soon enough.  As a first time mom of a two year old, I am not there yet.  The back to school fervor is obviously not on my radar.  But it makes me wonder what it’s all about.

I am sure there are mothers out there, who adore having their children home with them for the summer.  I just haven’t caught their posts about it.  Maybe they are too busy making homemade organic Popsicles to spend time on Facebook?   I mean, there are moms who enjoy their summers with their kids at home, right?  When I was growing up, my Mom always looked at Summer as magical.  Didn’t she?  At least she seemed to enjoy it.  Perhaps even loved it.  There is no denying that it was a different time then.  The world was a simpler place just some thirty years ago.  I’d like to hold onto my illusion that my mom actually enjoyed having us out of school for the summer.  When I think about it, most of the neighborhood kids would spend summer days at our house because we had a pool.  My mom would essentially be the den mother to all the kids on our street.  There was never a complaint from the other mothers.  Huh, that’s not surprising.  I think the back to school sigh of relief was around back then as well.  I also surmise that my mother was a rarity among her friends.

The thought of sending my O to school for full seven hour days at the age of five, sends my head into a spin.  And then I hear moms of older children talking about the failing education system and lack of emphasis on the children being active, and it makes me want to homeschool our guy.  I want to take him away to some Nordic country and have him schooled there where they play outside for hours each day.  When did the idea of learning through play become invalid?  Maybe this is why some parents seek out Montessori schools? Maybe regular public schools are mostly a type of glorified government daycare?  They shove them through, make sure they pass a specific state test, and mind them for nine months out of twelve each year. Could that be true?  And if it could be, don’t we want more for our children?  Oye! I’m digressing.

I guess what I want to say is that I can’t imagine a time when I will want to send O away from us for seven hours a day.  I understand the importance of doing so, but I can’t imagine liking it.  But then again, I am a newbie.  You seasoned moms are rolling your eyes at me about now, and that’s ok.  I admit I don’t know what it will be like down the road.  I just know that even now, when the days are tough, I don’t will them to pass any quicker.  Time is going by fast enough, thank you very much.

I say it again and again.  I feel that being an older mother gives me an advantage on contentment.  I am not wishing the time away so that I can get back to my life.  This is my life.  I am living it.  Perhaps it took me living so much of my life to know that this time is the best time.  Every choice and action of my life has led me to this place and time.  And I guess I am wise (and old) enough to be oh so grateful.

Until next time, remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up.  Thanks for reading! Xo

 

 

 

Slow Down, Mommy

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Do you ever feel like things are just moving too fast? Like you just can’t keep up the pace?   Does your “To Do” list overwhelm you? We all have legitimate things that keep our bodies and minds on the go.  I have been in that mode lately.  Add to it the crazy things happening in our world lately and it’s enough to make anyone go into hiding.   I handle it, until I just can’t anymore.  And that’s what has happened.

In a rare moment of quiet (at yoga class, which has been a challenge to get to lately) I realized the frantic pace I have been maintaining.  It took the merry-go-round stopping for me to really understand how severe my situation gets at times.  I set my intention for the class.  I decided to commit to slowing down.  I focused on my breath.  Simple.  Slow.  By the end of the class my teacher reminded us of the intention we set for ourselves at the beginning of the hour.  She urged us to try to carry that with us into the world for as long as we could.  So that is what I decided to do.  I am slowing down. This isn’t some silly lark juice fast here, but rather a serious necessity.  If I don’t slow down I will hit a wall.  And that can’t be good for me or my family.

This is not an easy thing for me to do.  My usual mode has me spinning several plates at a time while I plan my next 20 projects.  When I get over done….you can just imagine the hyper speed I am functioning at.  Or failing to function at, which is what brings about a crash.  So, anyway, the strategy is small simple steps for me.  Breathing.  Taking my time.  Doing one thing at a time (very challenging for this type A mommy).  Enjoying the moment (especially with O and my husband).  And remembering that there are things that I like to partake in, not because they have to get done, but because I enjoy doing them.

So I am making jam.  Raspberry jam from our garden.  You might laugh and think how ridiculous.  Go ahead.  I’ve made several pies already, but the jam is my favorite. It is something to savor into the autumn and winter.  It is a gift to give neighbors and friends.  And for me, this summer, it signifies my struggle to slow down.  I realized the other day that summer is half over and I don’t feel like it even started yet.  What kind of deluded fog have I been in? To say my husband and I have a lot our plates is an understatement. But it is all the more reason to slow down when we are faced with challenges.  It’s things like working in the garden.  Or listening to the rain hit the skylight.  It’s sitting on the kitchen floor reading to O in the middle of making dinner.  It’s the smell of our babies hair and the warmth of his breath when he cuddles next to us.  It’s looking into my Love’s eyes after a long day and really seeing him.  It’s letting him know without words that he is loved and safe in our relationship.  All these things require slowing down.  They take time and connection.  Without these moments of meaning, our lives are just moments that are unacknowledged.  A kind of going through the motions.

It’s funny…the older I get the clearer it becomes to me.  The moments in my life that speak out to me as defining and full of passion and truth, are the simplest ones.  I have a vivid simple memory from years ago that I look at now and know it was a defining moment.  It was years before my husband and I got married.  We were visiting as friends, and I remember him driving me in his jeep.  We were listening to music, just driving to nowhere, and he put his hand in mine.  I remember looking down and seeing our hands together and knowing that it felt so right.  I knew then, it was right.  So much in that simple quiet moment.  Life is funny like that.

So….slow it is.  For as long as I can do it.  Who knows, maybe it will become habit for me.  A way of life, even? And if I fall off the wagon, well then I’ll just have to get back up on the slow ride.  Cause it’s not just me anymore.  I have a husband and child who need me there.  Fully present.  Fully focused. And happy.  Oh yes, happy.  Covered in raspberry jam happy.

Until next time, I’ll be moving at a snail’s pace.  Keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thank you so much for reading.  Xo

 

 

 

 

Subtle Summer

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It dawned on me the other day that it was almost August! Where is the summer going? I realized that I had yet to do anything “summery.”  The days were marching on and I was not participating in the standard joys of the season.  Who am I? Oh wait, I’m a mother of a one year old.

Our days have been consumed with our crazy move and making this new house our home.  It’s all coming along, but far from finished.  But if we don’t take some time to enjoy this beautiful summer it will be gone before we know it.  I feel like I should rush out to play some mini golf or get some ice cream at a seasonal creamery.  Or go to the beach.  Or go sailing. But O is only one.  He doesn’t do ice cream yet or mini golf.  The beach is daunting on my own with the little guy not to mention the summer sun would fry his milky white skin. He’s napping twice a day lately so the window of time I get out of the house is small….And we don’t own a sailboat.

Past summers have been spent in the sunflower fields of Tuscany and on exotic Greek Island Beaches.  I would get excited for the summer sales at Gucci in Rome and for walking through the Bazaar in Istanbul.  I’d spend my days that happened to be stateside on a beach, reading, working out and getting far too tan for the likes of my fair skin.  I’ve had all the glamour, excitement and travel a person should be allowed.  My husband asked me the other day if I missed my old life.  🙂 Without pause, I said, “No.”  And that’s the Gods honest truth.  It’s not that it wasn’t great….it was.  But this is just so much better.  And I really believe you just don’t “get it” till it happens to you.  Till your ready for it.

I find myself opening all the windows in our new home, feeling the warm breeze and listening to all the sounds of summer.  I watch O practice his walking like an Olympic athlete.  This kid is tenacious! I watch the clouds from the skylight in our beautiful great room.  Light pouring in.  It’s heavenly.  It is my summer this year.  And I realize,  that it’s all right with me.  Next year, O will be older and more ready for the beach.  He will get excited for an ice cream cone and will have mastered the art of running, let alone walking.  But for now, our summer is on the subtle side.  A slower pace, if you like.  I don’t mind it, surprisingly.  But hold onto your hats,  things are about to get crazy…When O wakes up from his nap we might go to the farm down the road to get some fresh vegetables and I think I’ll make my Mom’s raspberry pie.  That always makes me feel like it’s summer.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight! And remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is certain she is messing it up! Xo