Baby It’s Cold Outside

Winter has arrived. At least in New England it has. My days of escaping the frigidity by spending winters in the Caribbean or Florida are over. At least for now. And I’m ok with that. My husband has armed me with sets of cuddlduds (fancy long underwear), fuzzy slippers, cute winter hats, and high strength moisturizing balms. I’m all set.

I packed the Christmas decorations away yesterday (yeah, I keep them up for a while. I’m like that). I am seeking out indoor activities for little O, as well as suiting him up in some super warm winter wear so we can be outside for as long as possible. We found an amazing gymnastics school that does an open gym session for an hour on Wednesday mornings. What a wonderful thing! If you are looking for something for your toddler to do to burn some of that crazy energy….check in your area. I bet there is something like it near you. Even a local YMCA may have a similar program.

My point is, I’m thinking that hibernating for the winter with a toddler may be a whole different animal than adult hibernation. Let’s face it, I was never very good at the adult version. My strategy was to run to a warmer climate. But now, I’m actually looking forward to the snow! Boy, how motherhood changes you! I truly can’t wait to see O’s excitement for the snow. I can’t wait to pull him up and down the driveway in a little sled and to watch him play in the white powder. I know, I’m romanticing the whole scenario. There will also be wet cold hands, crying, and 6 am snow clearing. I’m aware. Yet, I still look forward. It’s like giving birth has released a euphoric hormone into my brain….and despite the harsh cold realities of the winter freeze, I am still excited and, dare I say, giddy about winter. Anyone who knows me is wondering what the zombies did with me. I’m telling you, to coin a lyric from the musical Wicked, “I have been changed for good.”

I am sure I am like a broken record about Gratitude. It’s very “Oprah-esque,” I know. It has truly become habit for me. There was a time when I had to work hard at being grateful. It was a challenge to wrap my head around finding the positives. Yet, in hind sight, they were all around me. It’s not just since the birth of O that there is wonder surrounding me. My life has been blessed from the start. I just didn’t always see it. Part of it is my maturing emotionally. Part of it is my whole heartedly believing in the practice of gratitude. The rest is part of my brain coming to life. That’s actually a real thing in regards to motherhood. Check it out.

The more positive I become, the less room I have for negatives. My mind literally switches them off. It’s not automatic yet for me. I have to make the choice to stop listening. I want to live in Happiness. I want more Joy. I want Calm and Peace wrapping around me like a cozy blanket. I’m sure I seem very Polyanna to a naysayer. So be it. I didn’t understand the super power of gratitude, either. What’s the saying? The secret to having it all…. is believing that you do. Perspective is everything!

So let the Winter have its due. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Let the weather be frightful. My heart is warm and bursting. Just at this moment I am snuggling up to a hot cup of apple cinnamon tea and polishing up my rose colored glasses. Winters up here can last through March!

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, keep warm, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up! Thanks for reading! Xo

Flying Solo

I am sitting in the airport awaiting my flight to West Palm Beach. I am flying solo. That isn’t just a cute quip. I am actually by myself. No husband. No child. They are staying home, having a boys weekend, holding the fort down. I will be readying my house in Florida for my snowbird renter. A quick jaunt, but I’ll be away, nonetheless. I don’t know why I feel the need to give you the details of why I am going. Maybe I don’t want you to think I’m leaving my child for a wild girl’s get away or an “all about me” spa weekend. Although, I wouldn’t judge you if YOU went away for a little fun in the sun or some R&R. I’d probably be jealous. Ha. I know I’d be jealous. Always digressing.

The reason I am sharing this with you, is because this is significant for me. It will be the first time I will spend a night (let alone two nights) away from my O. I have been with him everyday and every night since the day he was born. I understood that I would be away from him when I made these arrangements. At times, I even looked forward to the little “break.” But the moment I had to walk away from him was harder than I expected. I’m just being honest. I’d like to say I walked away with the wind in my hair and the smell of freedom calling me. But instead, I felt like I was leaving a chunk of my own heart in New England. Say it….”Get a life, Mary!” Well, for 18 months and 4 days, he has been our life. Perhaps I am more of a Mommy than I realized.

It’s funny, because I keep telling my husband that I am ready to leave O with Grammy and be whisked away to Puerto Rico or some un-named island in the Caribbean at a moment’s notice. He is the one that is skeptical of leaving O overnight anywhere. He feels he is too young still for that. I tell him I would have no problem leaving O in her quite capable hands for a little weekend (or more) holiday with my husband. But, now I wonder……is that the truth? Could I stand being away from him for that long? Well, I guess I will see how I do first with two nights.

It’s not like I am worried about O. I am sure he will be quite happy to have Daddy take over the reigns of his day. My beloved is MORE than capable. He is truly Daddy of the Year. He will be silly and say things like, “I don’t know where his clothes are.” Or, ” I don’t know what he eats for lunch!” But the truth is, he can take care of O just as well (or better) than I can. Yes, haters…my husband is amazing in all ways. Suck on that.

My trip has only begun and I am missing both my boys something fierce. Logically, I know it’s a quick and necessary trip. I’ll be home before I know it. I was telling my husband on the way to the airport, that it’s actually good for me to go away on my own. It’s important for me to re-visit my independence every now and then. I truly believe that. It was a huge part of who I was before O. And I’m sure it will be again, when he is a bit older. But the pang in my heart when I left them still shocked me. After a life of travel and adventures, home is where I want to be. It is who I am now. It is my happy place. And boy, do I feel lucky to say that.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thanks for reading! Xo

What To Tell Our Children About The World

With recent events in Paris, Beirut and Africa, not to mention bombs taking down planes and ISIS filling the headlines, it is a fact that the world has become a scary place. That’s putting it mildly. It made me think about what we will tell O about the world we brought him into. Will we shield him? Will we tell him the truth, as tough as it may be? What we tell him and how we tell him things will help shape who he becomes.

I think honesty is the best policy. But what about omitting information to protect your child? Is that lying? I certainly don’t want him growing up being ignorant of the world and its ways. But I also don’t want to scare him. The idea of suicide bombers is hard to swallow for an adult, let alone a child. So what do we do? I guess it’s a pretty personal decision for parents. My husband is in favor of honesty all the way….I like to say “gentle honesty.”

I know some people who didn’t tell their children about 9/11. Or about the Sandy Hook School shootings. How you keep something like either of those things from your kid is beyond me. I mean logistically. The stories were everywhere. Not just TV. You’d have to live under a rock not to notice the outpouring of emotion. And then what happens when the kids whose parents did have a conversation with them, start explaining it to other children? Your child gets the version as understood by little Johnny from down the street.

I guess like everything, we should approach it with thought and balance. I suppose it isn’t necessary to have a conversation with O about such things until he reaches school age. Or before, if he starts inquiring for himself. And I suppose we should gently pour the truth out in terms and in quantities appropriate for his age. But there are certainly things I want him to be afraid of…like strange men in vans who have puppies and lollipops. Damn straight. Stranger Danger is for real and a whole other post…but something to certainly discuss way before school age.

Ugh! The world can be a horrible place with such evil lurking in it. How do we make him aware of it without making him completely fearful or worse, completely cynical. The world is filled with such disenchantment. Such wild disenchantment. I believe that is a big part of where much evil is born. So how do we keep his innocence and naïveté while educating him about the world? Seems an impossible task. Unless the key is to also fill him with hope. To teach him respect and trust. To show him the magic that exists in our every day. To let him know that even though bad things can happen, miracles happen, as well. To fill him with kindness, faith and possibilities, while we balance it all out with doses of some tough realities.

This parenting thing is not for the faint of heart. I suppose if we let ourselves become consumed with the terrors that exist we would never procreate. And the evil that exists would win. I certainly don’t want that kind of world for O. It is with a heavy heart for this world that I wish you a blessed Thanksgiving. May you be especially thankful for the loved ones you call Family and may your heart continue to hold hope in it.

Until next time, this emotional mommy is going to have a good cry and say some extra prayers. And remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Thank you so much for reading. Xo

40 Blissful Minutes

I am the first one to say I don’t know how to relax. I am always “doing” something. Shamefully, I admit, I sometimes tackle not just two, but three or four projects at a time. Like at the same time. Not the best strategy always, but I usually have a lot of pots on the stove, so to speak. Yesterday was no exception.

It was around 2:15pm. Smack in the middle of O’s nap time. I was finishing up a project I was working on for Christmas and starting to make a new Chicken Bratwurst recipe with a warm kartoffelsalat for the side. The contractor who is renovating our bathrooms shows up to do a faucet install. I figured O would most likely sleep through any noise, as he should have been deeply down by this point in time. Boy, was I wrong. One creek up the staircase and O was UP with all capitals and a very loud whine. Our very observant contractor points out, “Hey, the baby’s crying.” Really? Huh….Gee, I didn’t hear the ear piercing cry….thanks for letting me know. I didn’t say that….what I said was, “yeah.”

I went into O’s room. He had only slept for an hour. There was no way he was ready to actually get up. I kept the light off and picked him up out of his crib and went to the rocker. The whole weight of his body draped over my shoulder. I sat down and started to gently rock and sing to him. What happened next was such a great gift and it truly brought joyful tears to my eyes. O fell asleep in my arms. Now you might think, big deal. But my O hasn’t slept in my arms for any real length of time since he was an infant. This was 40 minutes of absolute angelic bliss. A couple times he stirred only to look up at me with the purest love in his eyes only to then fall back asleep. It was heaven on earth.

I wish that 40 minutes could have gone on and on. I would have left every project and pot to boil over. Nothing mattered to me in that moment, but THAT moment. What a lesson in simply being there. It is a lesson I needed refreshing in, especially lately. I let myself become crazed with tasks again. I feel foolish and well, exhausted. Time to take it easy again. Oh my little O is the best teacher!

The only hard thing to swallow about my blissful 40 minutes was that when those times were a regular occurrence, when O was a newborn, I feel like I didn’t enjoy them. At least not the way I would have had I not had the post partum blues. It made me sad to think I missed a lot of that time. I just couldn’t get my head on straight then. I won’t beat myself up about it anymore. It is what it is. And I thank God I got through it. But I can’t pretend I didn’t miss some really special moments. I guess I should be grateful that I got to fully savor something so wonderful now. And I am……so grateful.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up. Thanks for reading! Xo

The Other Shoe

My little O has an issue with shoes. He doesn’t like to keep them on. At the moment, he only has one pair. Imagine my quandary when one goes missing while we are out and about. Give me strength.

Today’s case was perhaps the most dramatic and maybe the most ironic. We were at the mall where I JUST purchased for my shoeless Joe, a pair of snow boots and an upsize pair of sneakers that light up. (So fun!). I figured I should buy a pair of sneakers that he will be in after the winter…as he still fits into his only pair and it was a buy one get one half off sale. I digress, as usual. We made our purchase, went to the disappointing play area, we made a diaper change which included an elevator trip, and browsed in a couple stores for Mommy. It was nearing lunch time, so I figured it was time to get out of Dodge. We got out to the car and I got him out of the stroller, into his car seat and saw he only had one shoe on. !!!!! What the?! I looked around, it was nowhere. I put him back in the stroller, threw my diaper bag in the car, cause who needs to lug THAT around longer than necessary, and headed back into Macy’s. I retraced my steps. That included going back in the elevator. Going through the stores which are all the way on the other side of the mall. 3/4 way through retracing my steps I decided, “screw it!” I may have actually said that out loud. Yes, in fact, I did say it out loud. To no one in particular, just the shoe Gods in general, apparently. I was sweating by this point. And due to the fact that I switched from my antiperspirant/deodorant to JUST deodorant due to the request from my husband and his concern for my getting early onset Alzheimer’s…I absolutely stunk. I was not a happy camper.

We headed back to the parking lot where the mystery began. I figured, “oh well, I’ll double up his socks in his new sneakers and hope he can walk correctly in them.” We get to the car, and I see something tan resembling his little boat shoe way under the car….hidden by the wheel, in fact. I’m happy to see the shoe. But I’m also pissed at the shoe, because I can’t get pissed at an 18 month old. Completely irrational, I know.

Mind you, this was all after an early morning Doctor appointment for me, at which O decided to react as if it HIS appointment. Crying inconsolably and hanging on me pretty much the entire time. I was the one getting the flu shot kid! It was not my best day. I say this because I have been accused of pooping rainbows. Let me tell you, some days are rough. Sometimes I want to put him down for a nap and drown my sorrows in a bowl of chips and double Downton Abbey episodes. (God, that sounds good!). The point is, I have bad days. I have really sucky days. And I have days that are awesome. It’s all part of the territory, I suppose. Sort of like poop on your hands. Some days your just gonna get poop on your hands and that’s all there is to it. You just wash up real good and take a deep cleansing breath….pun totally intended.

So what have I learned from this? I’m not really sure to tell you the truth. Maybe I should have more than one pair of shoes for O? Maybe I should watch more closely to see if we leave a trail when out and about? Maybe it’s just that some days are better than others. The only thing I am sure of is that no matter what, I’m still the luckiest chick I know.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up. Xo

SAHM ISO BFF

SAHM ISO BFF : Stay At Home Mom In Search Of Best Friend Forever! Well, that’s a little dramatic, don’t you think? But imagine if it was that easy to put it out there and meet other moms and actually become great friends!

I’ve written before about the loneliness of motherhood. I imagine it is something many stay at home moms deal with at one time or another. Living several hours away from my family (with the exception of my mother in law, thank god!) proves to make me lonelier than most, I suspect. Especially with my personality. Most people assume that because I am a performer, I am an extrovert. But that is not the case. I have a very hard time making friends. And ever since I have had O, I wonder if I am in jeopardy of losing the ones I do have due to lack of contact.

It isn’t for lack of interest in my friends. Thanks to Facebook I can at least see what they are up to. I constantly cheer them on, unbeknownst to them, nestled away in my New England haven. I smile for them. I laugh with them. I even cry for them. But we all know Facebook is not real life. The contact is “virtual.” It certainly doesn’t leave you feeling like you spent the afternoon with a good girlfriend. I remember that feeling. I would feel inspired. Invigorated. Like I could take on the world. Nothing inspires your confidence like time spent with a bestie.

These days I am in toddler world. From the moment O is awake to the moment he goes down for a nap he consumes my energy. Once he wakes up it starts again until he is down for the night. I’m not complaining. I’m not looking for sympathy. It is simply the way it is. He constantly requires my focus. If I’m not reading to him or feeding him or playing with him, my attention is on where he is and is he burning the house down? or is he sticking his tongue in a socket? Even giving him his “alone time” to explore and play on his own, takes my focus. It’s not about hovering. It’s about the fact that I can’t abandon all thoughts of him to focus on JUST me. By the time his nap time comes I just want to shut off for a bit. I use that time to take care of business, if I need to. But mostly I use it to take some down time. I use it to do something cathartic for me. I want to piddle in the garden. I want to work on my latest DIY project for the house. Whatever it is, the last thing I really want to do is talk on the phone. I mean no offense to any of my friends. Most of them are working at that time anyway. And several of them are on the West Coast, so the time difference is impossible. When I can chat, it’s either 5 am their time, or 9pm my time and I’m already in bed. Oh the glamorous life I lead!

I guess if I could say something to each wonderful friend I have it would be this: I miss you deeply and love you dearly. Although you are not in my everyday life at this point, you are warmly in my thoughts and are absolutely part of the person I am today. Though it may seem like I am a totally different person….I am not. I’m still me. I’m just a Mom now, in addition to all the other crazy hats I wear. Please don’t think because I have a child now I don’t care to be friends with you. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with you? If you are a friend of mine, I must tell you, you are a pretty special person. I don’t take that for granted. Wonderful people are not a dime a dozen. It’s just that sometimes life (or in this case, a toddler) gets in the way. Forgive me. I WILL return to the land of the liberated. It’s just gonna take a few years.

Until then, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up. Thanks for reading! Xo

Halloween 1 Mommy 0

Ok. So we are safely into October. There is a real chill in the air and the leaves are starting to appropriately turn color. The 31st is literally around the corner and I am completely stumped as what to create for O’s costume. Mind you, we don’t live around other homes, so I can’t imagine we will be getting trick or treaters. And I suppose we could take O to a neighborhood around us, but it would really be an exercise in parents getting candy for themselves. O doesn’t “get” Halloween yet, nor does he eat candy. The idea of trapsing through the chilly evening, going up to the front doors of strange homes with him, saying “trick or treat!” for him, as he doesn’t talk yet, strikes me as odd. It would be entirely for us. So then why do it? And more specifically, why fret over a costume for him?

In my childhood household, Halloween was always a big holiday. My mother was amazingly creative and untiring. Making handmade costumes for all four of her children. My mom would go ALL OUT! We had a costume contest parade in our town and every year someone in our family would win, if not everyone! There were no store bought costumes for us. I remember choosing what we would like to be long in advance. I remember my Mother sewing til the wee hours of the night getting everything just right. One year I was a southern belle right out of Gone With The Wind with a full on hoop skirt dress! I recall one of my brothers being a sheik one year and he actually pulled a huge stuffed camel after himself. My Mother’s skill and creativity were truly amazing.

Somewhere the Halloween gene passed over me. Even though I was lucky enough to wear the awesome costumes my mom made me, I’ve never been a huge fan of Halloween. I mean, it’s not like it’s Christmas for G sake! I know, there are people who go all out! They decorate their homes , work on costumes for months and go to local haunted houses. Ugh. Not this chick. But now with O, do I have to get “into” it? Ok, maybe not THIS year, but certainly in the years to come? The thing is, I already know I’m going to be horrible at it. I will want him to pick the easy costume. Something that will take the least amount of effort from me. It’s awful! Even so, being raised on homemade costumes makes it very hard to take the easy road.

I know I could just go to the Halloween superstore and get something off the rack, but it seems so cheesy to me. I remember as a kid feeling sorry for the kids who wore the store bought costumes. How could I possibly put O in one? And yet, how will I fair in making his dream of being a two headed dragon come true? I’ll be like, “Why don’t you be a hobo?”

It really is odd, because I am really a holiday person. Hell, I shop for Christmas all year long. I can’t wait to decorate right after Thanksgiving and I start listening to Christmas music in October (ooh, it’s coming up!) …don’t judge me. It’s just the scary horror stuff just doesn’t do it for me. The only thing I really like about Halloween is the abundance of candy, preferably Twix bars and anything Reese’s. I suppose when O is actually is old enough to get excited about it and actually participate, my feelings may change. I hope so. I don’t want to be the lame Mom who couldn’t care less. But this year, before he really knows….if I’m brutally honest, I could not care less and I kind of want to take the easy road. I would love suggestions, cause I’m fresh out of ideas. Even Pinterest couldn’t help me. Everything I saw on there looked too hard to do. See, I’m pathetic. Big Halloween Mommy fail. Pass the candy bowl.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up. Xo

Hands In The Dirt Head In The Clouds

What is it about putting your hands in the soil that is so therapeutic? The smell of the soil. The tugging of the weeds. It is mesmerizing to me, much to my surprise. I find myself out in the gardens of our new home, several times a day. It seems the weeding is never done. There is always mulch to spread and new perennials popping up. I’ve even started composting! The grounds are like a big mystery to me. An exciting gratifying mystery.

When we bought this house, I fell in love with the gardens. But I was also terrified of them. Up till now, I pretty much killed everything I ever tried to grow. I have hope for these gardens, though, because they were planted by someone else. Someone who had more than a clue about what they were doing. We had glorious mature perennials popping up through out the spring and summer….and I’m already seeing things coming up for autumn. It’s wonderful. My hope is that I don’t wreck it all. I am committed to at least trying to keep it beautiful.

Anyway, I digress. I was saying it was therapeutic. At least for me it is. I am fully aware it is a form of escape for me. More like a form of meditation. I take all my stress and leave it for later. I don’t know if I would go as far to say it absolves my stress…but I certainly don’t feel stressed when I’m in the garden. That’s probably why I go out to work in it so often! I engulf myself in performing a specific simple task. And I feel totally calm. Very Buddha, if you will. 🙂

Let me be clear. I don’t have stress because I’m a Mother. I have stress because I’m a person. O does not give me stress. Taking care of him everyday does not give me stress. It’s exactly where I want to be. It brings me intense joy. My stress is about life stuff. I have a darling mother who’s dark dark depression and inability to “live” her life brings sadness to me everyday. I have two wonderful parents who’s marriage is so broken but neither have a clue how to fix it. It weighs on me. Senseless gun violence, hate crimes, bigotry, health issues…they can stress you out. And Donald Trump. He’s a huge source of my stress these days. Will I have to move to a different country if he is (God Forbid) elected president? But I have to tell you, when I am in the garden…I don’t think about any of that.

I take O out with me most days for a bit of sunshine and exploration. He loves it! He is intrigued by the flowers and plants. And rocks! What is it with little boys and rocks? I let him wander within my eye’s peripheral. He is learning to separate and find distance from me with the safety net of seeing me across the yard. When he starts to get a little too far, I call him back and he toddles closer. It’s pretty awesome. It is exactly as I had imagined it in my mind’s eye….only better. It is our little Nirvana.

Maybe it isn’t for everyone. I would have never imagined it was for me. I sooo didn’t see this coming. My idea of escape used to be a trip to TJ Maxx for a little bargain retail therapy. Maybe I got into this because it absolutely HAS to be done and calling a gardener isn’t on the table right now…?? I don’t know. All I know is that I am loving it. Getting dirty and all.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is mom who is pretty sure she is messing it up. Xo

Bumpy Times Ahead

I watch O on the baby video monitor. It’s past 7:30am, but on cloudy rainy days he sleeps a little longer. He is stirring, but taking his time to wake up. I’m enjoying my coffee. In peace. Listening to a bird chirp outside the front window. I am contemplating the day. What do I introduce to him today? Will he nap long? Will it be a difficult day like yesterday? He is getting his back molars in, so the teething and drool situation is out of control and kind of throwing me. He is all out of sorts. Or is it just him getting older? Becoming coming more of a true toddler? Yikes. I’m not ready for that.

He is willful. I’ve known this about him since before his birth. I could tell in my tummy. And how true it turned out to be. And it seems that so far, he is wicked smart. What a combination. I am glad he is willful. It will be a good trait later on. I want him to be a strong individual. It’s just that now….it’s going to pose some challenges for us. Add Mommy’s flair for the dramatic and Daddy’s hot temper…..and I foresee bumpy times ahead! But then, there is always wine to soothe the day’s events, right? Is there enough wine? (Is there EVER enough wine?).

Yesterday O was playing with this grabber thing we have in the kitchen. He loves it. I call him King Triton when he carries it around. He was getting frustrated because he was trying to move it in a space that was too small to move it freely in. He started to whine and fuss. Then growl and grunt. I interjected with a “Calm down, O.” He looked at me, threw the grabber down and screamed a scream I had not ever heard from him. A primal scream followed by tears of frustration and more screaming. He had gone from 0-60 in a matter of seconds. He was officially melting down. Toddler style. I was a bit stunned, however foolish that sounds. He hasn’t been like this. He’s been pretty easy (for a baby.). Needless to say, nap time followed. Yes, his being tired and teething was a factor in this outburst, but this was a force within him I had yet to experience.

He is young for this, isn’t he? Don’t they say “Terrible TWOS?” He is just 14 months old! Is this yet another stage he will hit early? Oye. So what do we do? React? Not react? I can’t see how yelling at him would help. But coddling him after undesirable behavior doesn’t seem good either. Up till now, we have tried to redirect his attention when he starts going into behavior we aren’t crazy about. It used to work like a charm. Now, not so much.

I truly thank God that I am an older Mom as I begin to navigate this part of raising our child. I have WAY more patience than I ever would have had in my younger days. I understand that I don’t have all the answers. However, many of the answers are somewhere etched in my mind after watching the do’s and don’ts of the child rearing of my nieces and nephews. I have watched my sister-in-law, Sarah, raise three children with the consistency and patience of a saint. I often refer to my memories of watching her parent when I look for answers. When she said “If you don’t stop that behavior, we are leaving.” She meant it. If the behavior persisted, they were gone. I get it. You can’t say anything thing you aren’t prepared to make good on. I recall, “Please and Thank You are the magic words.” The tune she used to sing it to is stuck in my head, all ready to use on O. I remember her making her children look her in the eye when she was reprimanding them. It sticks more. I found myself doing it yesterday when O kept trying to take an outlet cover off after dinner. Well, today my sister-in-law has remarkable teenagers who are smart, funny, respectful and kind. She is my role model for parenting. There are more, for sure. But I am grateful I have had a lot of time to watch others, especially her.

So what to do? I find myself taking deep breathes. I try to understand the child. I try not to let his frustration become mine. I know we need to teach him what calm is despite his genetics….no easy task. But essential. I recall O’s pediatrician telling me, “He is your whole world. You just don’t want him know that.” How true, how true. Imagine adding narcissist to the list? Not on my watch! So yes, bumpy times ahead. But good times, as well, I have no doubt.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight (I know I will) and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is messing it up. Thanks for reading! Xo

That Mom

Before I had a child, I vowed to keep my offspring neat, clean and well groomed. No disheveled children. No dried food on their face. No dirt on their knees. No poop stains on the back of their pants. No sweaty, un-combed hair….you get the picture. We’ve all seen these children. I have always said, I will never be “that mom” who goes anywhere with her child in such a state. Well, as I say more often than not these days, NEVER SAY NEVER. You know, when my husband read this post, he said he thought I came across uptight and judge-y…..and well, let’s call a spade a spade…I have been.

I usually pride myself on having O look , at the very least, clean. I am definitely one for having him look adorable whenever I am out with him. You know, cute outfit, hair combed to the side, clean shoes and socks, etc. But today, after dinner, my husband and I wanted to take O to the playground. It was about an hour or so before O’s bedtime. He had his dinner. He had a poop. My husband changed him and told me that O had a little diaper leak, but that it wasn’t that much, so he kept him in the same outfit. Well, ok…I’m not gonna question the man who offers to change a diaper. The baby was fast approaching the “tired wall” and it was time to expend some serious energy. To tire the poor kid out, basically. Lets just overlook the little poop stain.

I was putting O in the car, and in the light of day, I realized his face was covered in dried sweet potato. It was also all down the front of his romper. Nice. Oh whatever…a little sweet potato never hurt anyone. His knees, now in full view, were filthy. Oye. Ok….they would get dirty at the playground anyway, right? I’m beginning to see this messy thing is a slippery slope.

About half way through our playground outing, I realized my child looked like a bonafide ragamuffin. Disheveled would be a polite term. I thought to myself, “I am THAT Mom.” But in that same instance, I knew it didn’t matter one bit. This delicious wonderful child was ours. Under all that dried sweet potato and dirt was the most perfect thing we had ever done. I guess it’s a good lesson in not judging what you see all the time. “That Mom” most likely, like me, was frazzled….in a rush….and thought to herself, “I’m just running out for a sec! What does it matter?” Well, it doesn’t. Not one bit.

Is your child happy? Is he exploring? Is she getting her hands dirty, figuratively and literally? That’s what matters. I guess I see it differently now. I see the sweat and dirt on O as an indication of how active he was all day. His energy level is through the roof! I can only imagine that level rising as he gets older. And the harder he plays, the harder he sleeps. I’m not gonna mess around with that! The occasional stain on his shirt? The smudge on his face? Well, shit happens. But one thing I know is, it all comes out in the bath water. Literally.

This does not mean I throw all good intentions of keeping my child clean out the window. But there is a time and a place for all things…and there are limits to what you can do at times. I’m a good Mom. No, scratch that. I’m a really good Mom. But I am not super human. Often, I miss a spot on his sweet cheek after lunch. Occasionally, I keep him in a dribbled on shirt. And most times he likes to run his hands through the dirt in the yard. He’ll survive….and so will I. Happily and heartily. Growing and exploring and figuring it all out….together.

Until next time, keep fighting the good fight and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is sure she is messing it up! Xo

From Gucci To Gerber

Tales, Insights & Observations from an Advanced Maternal Age New Mother

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