Like with anything in life, there are positives and negatives. This week I want to focus on the positive. The topic: Having children over 40 and why it is the best (in my opinion). Don’t worry, I’ll also share with you why it is a drag (in my opinion)….just not this week. This week it’s all about how incredible it is to have a child when you are in your 40’s!
Let’s face it, if you have had a child at 35 or over, you’ve most likely heard all the terrifying warnings and reasons not to. My first prenatal visit at age 43 was colored with all sorts of possible doom and negative what ifs. I chose to filter out the gloom. While I was educated about the risks, I kept the information out of my mind and body. One of the best things about having a baby in your 40’s (in my opinion) is that you can. So many women struggle with conception. If you can get pregnant naturally (or with help) over 40, well, that’s something to celebrate!
All new mothers hear the polite advice from well wishers, time and time again. My son is 2 and I still get it. “Enjoy every minute! It goes so fast!” Well, the main reason I think having a baby in your 40’s is the best (in my opinion), is that you actually do enjoy every minute. Even when it’s hard, there is a baseline of joy that just can’t be beat. There is a patience I possess that, for me, has come with age. I’m certainly not saying that women having children in their 20’s and 30’s don’t enjoy their children. I can only speak from my experience as a 20 and 30 something. In my 20’s and 30’s, my life was all about me. The pace of my life was all about me. The choices I made were basically all about me. And I wanted it that way. I lived my life fully and with purposed abandon. I travelled the world, fell in and out of love and enjoyed freedom from most responsibility. It was how it should be for someone at that stage of their life (in my opinion). Conversely, with the birth of my son came profound responsibility. And at the age of 44, I welcomed it wholeheartedly. Someone younger might think my life now is a bore. The Veuve doesn’t flow as freely (or at all, come to think of it) and my bedtime is often before the curtain used to go up. The things I possessed and the adoration I sought are not barometers for bliss. My god! I thought a new pair of Gucci shoes equaled happiness. Silly girl. All those things are well and good, but they are not the stuff of life.
I get to do this parenting thing with a full awareness that it goes far too fast. I don’t wish time away like I used to. I get to be mature enough to share with my baby, my patience and my understanding of what true happiness really is. I get to not only enjoy his process, but have the emotional maturity to understand that he is his own person, and that while he is our whole world now, we will not always be his. I am old enough to know he will have to fail to succeed. I understand there will come a time to let go.
Anyone who has hit the 40+ mark understands what I am saying. I’m not saying you don’t have moments of doubt anymore or that you don’t feel like you are screwing up a lot of the time. That is the nature of parenting in a nutshell. But there is a level of surety and confidence that I bring to my parenting, to my life, that I did not possess in my 20’s or 30’s. It makes me a better mom. And THAT is the best thing about having a child over 40 (in my opinion).
Until next time, keep fighting the good fight, and remember, behind every great kid is a mom who is pretty sure she is screwing it up! Thanks for reading! Xo